Local and loving it. Something is so peaceful about summer in Pelham that you wouldn;t believe it. The taste of diet coke on your tongue, the feel of the water on your sandals, the sound of odd foreign music in my ears and the blissful wind upon my skin.
It's enough to let you know that it's okay.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Friday, July 28, 2006
Can I give you CPR?
Ok. Med student. Working pretty well.
Will be attending his leaving work party including all of his close friends this evening.
And what to wear?
Will be attending his leaving work party including all of his close friends this evening.
And what to wear?
Saturday, July 22, 2006
What?!
OK wow. Skeevatz Chris has a girlfriend?! That's something special. Wow.
Oddly enough ran into my older brother's best friend recently. The guy turned out to be a bit wierd but adorable... I'm not sure what it is, perhaps all the years spent in private schools but the thought of sleeping with a teacher is such a turn-on... Obviously he isn't suitable to take out again, I mean please,... but you know, we could go there.
Did I mention Sean would kill me?
Anyway, I mean how could that be, like I obviously couldn't go up to a guy who knows I sucked my thumb at twelve (they had to install some appliance in mouth to get me to stop) and request his number... obviously I would have to initiate, I mean I want to see him again... but I couldn;t initiae, then it becomes my fault. Perhaps I'll just weave some web in which we get invited to the same social occasion.
Maybe not.
Ummm... Skeevatz Chris has a girlfriend!
What is the world coming to?!
Oddly enough ran into my older brother's best friend recently. The guy turned out to be a bit wierd but adorable... I'm not sure what it is, perhaps all the years spent in private schools but the thought of sleeping with a teacher is such a turn-on... Obviously he isn't suitable to take out again, I mean please,... but you know, we could go there.
Did I mention Sean would kill me?
Anyway, I mean how could that be, like I obviously couldn't go up to a guy who knows I sucked my thumb at twelve (they had to install some appliance in mouth to get me to stop) and request his number... obviously I would have to initiate, I mean I want to see him again... but I couldn;t initiae, then it becomes my fault. Perhaps I'll just weave some web in which we get invited to the same social occasion.
Maybe not.
Ummm... Skeevatz Chris has a girlfriend!
What is the world coming to?!
Friday, July 21, 2006
It's Raining Men!
OMG. What?!
Let's discuss the MEN. THE MEN! Wow. The fact that there are any men in my life currently and that these are ones that aren't with other men is an accomplishment. I mean, let's face it, I NEVER meet straight men, or at least ones I want to speak with thirty seconds after I meet them.
OK. We got:
1. The redheaded advertising director from a hamlet in Pennsylvania.
2. The med-student.
3. The investment banker ( who is a bit short, but short men stand on their millions)
4. My fav, the son of diplomats who lived all over the world and settles here in London. HOT. HOT! Sydney accent on London manners. LOVING IT!
5. The Irish entrepenuer... fascinated by New York and redheaded. Hmm.
And it's only been one week!
What?!
Let's discuss the MEN. THE MEN! Wow. The fact that there are any men in my life currently and that these are ones that aren't with other men is an accomplishment. I mean, let's face it, I NEVER meet straight men, or at least ones I want to speak with thirty seconds after I meet them.
OK. We got:
1. The redheaded advertising director from a hamlet in Pennsylvania.
2. The med-student.
3. The investment banker ( who is a bit short, but short men stand on their millions)
4. My fav, the son of diplomats who lived all over the world and settles here in London. HOT. HOT! Sydney accent on London manners. LOVING IT!
5. The Irish entrepenuer... fascinated by New York and redheaded. Hmm.
And it's only been one week!
What?!
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Crimson!
Back hanging out with Crims, out in the Nova last night, was fabulous, laughing our asses off at ugly girls who now date my exes and the times we shared and whats to become of us, now and back then.
So out to meet Sher!
So out to meet Sher!
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Taking it Well...
Family party. It's not so bad to stand there, just that I feel so shitty next to all the cousins in my generation, currrently enjoying these meaningful relationships.
It isn't being alone. Alone I can handle. It's more the number of times I've been burned so badly...
If I weren't alone, I could deal with it. But to think that it happened AGAIN... and he had nerve to talk about how he still loved and missed her... did you think of her whilst we were together? Did you look at me and see her face? Did you somehow hope I'd replace any want of her still left in you? Like I'd cover the stain of her memory... Apparently not.
Of all the people that let me down,... it's always the ones you gave nothing but truth.
I feel sometimes, I've got the black cloud. It always happens like this... how many more weddings do I have to endure where I'm not the bride but the former girlfriend of the groom... sad and alone. It isn;t fair he should be able to move on and replace me so easily and my darkness looms on whilst he dances on in sunshine. And I don;t need his lousy pity, his friendship, I've got enough friends. I don;t need his pathetic emails talking about truth and being upfront or however he'd like to mask the awful situation. Why do men think they're doing you a favor?
I've been down this road before. Surely, I'm used to dissappointments now.
Oh, but it kills to see her flaunting that cheap bracelet in my face. I've dated men with twice the finesse, money, and taste than anything she's ever had but it kills to know she and everyone else is out there in the sunshine and here I am... again, breaking down. You have no idea, sometimes I think I've repaid Karma several times over for whatever sin I committed. I've buried, I've broken engagement, I've been left behind, I've been used and taken for granted and cheated and God knows what else.
Part of me wishes to take that job simply to spite those people. Awful, writhing lying cheats, I'm richer, prettier, and smarter than that Eurotrash you're with. Watch me rise up and you get used for a green card. I hope she leaves your ass and makes you feel used like me. I hope she calls you the wrong name. I hope YOU TELL HER MY NAME WAS CASEY. I HOPE YOU TELL HER HOW YOU NO LONGER LOVED HER, HOW IT WAS ALL A FANTASY OF YOUTH OR WHATEVER BULLSHIT YOU TOLD ME.
I hope when I pass you by in the London streets, you tell her, you missed your chance. And as my driver passes you by, you get splashed, adding onto you the dirt you traded over for my memory.
You obviously weren't who I thought you were.
I hope you're not reading this, you aren't worth my better emotions. If you see me in the streets, know better than to talk to me. Keep walking away, and do it quick. You're good at that! You who died, you who moved to Shanghai, you who walked away leaving me on that train to sit there knowing what came next.
I'm going to beat this.
At the party, my aunt told me, I resemble a great aunt of my mothers, a woman who died at 21 of a heart condition.
I can't help but wonder, isn't it odd how history repeats itself?
It isn't being alone. Alone I can handle. It's more the number of times I've been burned so badly...
If I weren't alone, I could deal with it. But to think that it happened AGAIN... and he had nerve to talk about how he still loved and missed her... did you think of her whilst we were together? Did you look at me and see her face? Did you somehow hope I'd replace any want of her still left in you? Like I'd cover the stain of her memory... Apparently not.
Of all the people that let me down,... it's always the ones you gave nothing but truth.
I feel sometimes, I've got the black cloud. It always happens like this... how many more weddings do I have to endure where I'm not the bride but the former girlfriend of the groom... sad and alone. It isn;t fair he should be able to move on and replace me so easily and my darkness looms on whilst he dances on in sunshine. And I don;t need his lousy pity, his friendship, I've got enough friends. I don;t need his pathetic emails talking about truth and being upfront or however he'd like to mask the awful situation. Why do men think they're doing you a favor?
I've been down this road before. Surely, I'm used to dissappointments now.
Oh, but it kills to see her flaunting that cheap bracelet in my face. I've dated men with twice the finesse, money, and taste than anything she's ever had but it kills to know she and everyone else is out there in the sunshine and here I am... again, breaking down. You have no idea, sometimes I think I've repaid Karma several times over for whatever sin I committed. I've buried, I've broken engagement, I've been left behind, I've been used and taken for granted and cheated and God knows what else.
Part of me wishes to take that job simply to spite those people. Awful, writhing lying cheats, I'm richer, prettier, and smarter than that Eurotrash you're with. Watch me rise up and you get used for a green card. I hope she leaves your ass and makes you feel used like me. I hope she calls you the wrong name. I hope YOU TELL HER MY NAME WAS CASEY. I HOPE YOU TELL HER HOW YOU NO LONGER LOVED HER, HOW IT WAS ALL A FANTASY OF YOUTH OR WHATEVER BULLSHIT YOU TOLD ME.
I hope when I pass you by in the London streets, you tell her, you missed your chance. And as my driver passes you by, you get splashed, adding onto you the dirt you traded over for my memory.
You obviously weren't who I thought you were.
I hope you're not reading this, you aren't worth my better emotions. If you see me in the streets, know better than to talk to me. Keep walking away, and do it quick. You're good at that! You who died, you who moved to Shanghai, you who walked away leaving me on that train to sit there knowing what came next.
I'm going to beat this.
At the party, my aunt told me, I resemble a great aunt of my mothers, a woman who died at 21 of a heart condition.
I can't help but wonder, isn't it odd how history repeats itself?
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
August 7, 1999
It was hot and balmy today, the kind of heat that only New York brings in, enveloping you with the memory of a thousand words and feelings, a million smells and sounds.
The best days of my life were that summer, Kenny. Somedays, I'll be driving by and look over, as if you're still there, waiting for me. I can't explain how or why but since you've gone far far far away, I've always had this in me, waiiting. I have so many things I want to know, to say to you. Seeing you would be enough. I do remember the night you died. I never felt so safe going to sleep... when the glitter faded in the morning.
Could you help me figure me out? You always had this way... everyone said it at your wake, and there you lie, looking peaceful. I don't remember the funeral, but the wake, that image of you lying there, that picture never left me. If I could have stopped the car that evening I would; but I was a kid. I knew what was going to happen, even before you did, I can't explain how, but I felt it, like a much dreaded departure. Only you left, and I've stayed in that summer all this time. I need you now more than ever.
Kenny, I've fucked up again.
I don't blame anyone. It wasn't his fault he couldn't speak up. It wasn't his fault he moved to Shanghai. It wasn't his fault he didn't know me. It isn't their fault the doves all turned out to be paper bags. And now here I am, the child nobody wanted to begin with, alone in a world where everything real is out of my reach and I sit with my pretty distractions; content because I don't know any better. Sometimes I feel like I'm a child again, standing at a counter with only 75 cents in my hand, admiring all the items for a dollar. I know I'm never going to get it, Kenny, but you just can't help wanting.
There are things in my life that I can't change. I can't bring Jags back from Shanghai. I can't undo all the things I said, the things I did to make that happen. I can't undo the things I said to Chris. I can't make Crimson forgive me; I can't change that I won't be seventeen forever. I can't bring myself to call Derek again, and agree, you're right, Der, I'm only human. I can't undo the things I did to my housemates because closeness, it scares me. I can't change all the times I've spent, hating everyone who's left me... hating every last thing that represented any form of feeling. I can't change the fact that my entire life I've never felt as if the people around me really knew me, that I was really a part of everything around me and that nothing was going to change that. I can't undo the night you died, and this feeling of abandonment that I've lived with since. I feel sometimes I've relived that funeral more times than necessary. I feel sometimes, I did this to myself. I've never stopped feeling that the bottom would fall out from beneath me, time and time again.
Kenny, it always had. Am I pulling it, I wonder? I want to be happy for them, I really want to say,... but the words never form because the music starts playing and there I am again, fourteen years old with the world slipping away; right out from underneath me.
I'm quite fragile, really.
Realise that. See me, see past the lipgloss that I am who I am and I can't change it until I know how. Look at me like you never really did and tell me, tell me you see her, the little girl beaten down, the fourteen year old who had everything she knew yanked from her grasp in one evening, the woman who's engagement broke up over a fight about a cat scratch, the American mindless plaything of a man who never knew her worth, the person trying to get out of this fight alive.
I want everyone to know I'm going to be okay because I have to be. I can't let the things that will never change hold me down. Someday, I'm sure, I'll understand it all. I'm going to keep moving. I'm going to succeed in everything I desire and you can watch me while I rise, up and away from this house, from this city, from all the people who let me down... I'm going to do this even if it hurts every step. I can't give up due to dissappointments reverberating throughout my brief history. I've got do it, for me, for Seamus, for whoever I am and was meant to be. I learned to be strong because I had to; even alone I can't stop laughing. Reliving this heartbreak, I've got to get over it, no matter how much it hurts, I've got to finish this and do it the best I can. You have to stand up straighter when you feel need to collapse. I'm not happy and I can't mask that, but changing it is up to me.
So promise me, I'm not alone...
The best days of my life were that summer, Kenny. Somedays, I'll be driving by and look over, as if you're still there, waiting for me. I can't explain how or why but since you've gone far far far away, I've always had this in me, waiiting. I have so many things I want to know, to say to you. Seeing you would be enough. I do remember the night you died. I never felt so safe going to sleep... when the glitter faded in the morning.
Could you help me figure me out? You always had this way... everyone said it at your wake, and there you lie, looking peaceful. I don't remember the funeral, but the wake, that image of you lying there, that picture never left me. If I could have stopped the car that evening I would; but I was a kid. I knew what was going to happen, even before you did, I can't explain how, but I felt it, like a much dreaded departure. Only you left, and I've stayed in that summer all this time. I need you now more than ever.
Kenny, I've fucked up again.
I don't blame anyone. It wasn't his fault he couldn't speak up. It wasn't his fault he moved to Shanghai. It wasn't his fault he didn't know me. It isn't their fault the doves all turned out to be paper bags. And now here I am, the child nobody wanted to begin with, alone in a world where everything real is out of my reach and I sit with my pretty distractions; content because I don't know any better. Sometimes I feel like I'm a child again, standing at a counter with only 75 cents in my hand, admiring all the items for a dollar. I know I'm never going to get it, Kenny, but you just can't help wanting.
There are things in my life that I can't change. I can't bring Jags back from Shanghai. I can't undo all the things I said, the things I did to make that happen. I can't undo the things I said to Chris. I can't make Crimson forgive me; I can't change that I won't be seventeen forever. I can't bring myself to call Derek again, and agree, you're right, Der, I'm only human. I can't undo the things I did to my housemates because closeness, it scares me. I can't change all the times I've spent, hating everyone who's left me... hating every last thing that represented any form of feeling. I can't change the fact that my entire life I've never felt as if the people around me really knew me, that I was really a part of everything around me and that nothing was going to change that. I can't undo the night you died, and this feeling of abandonment that I've lived with since. I feel sometimes I've relived that funeral more times than necessary. I feel sometimes, I did this to myself. I've never stopped feeling that the bottom would fall out from beneath me, time and time again.
Kenny, it always had. Am I pulling it, I wonder? I want to be happy for them, I really want to say,... but the words never form because the music starts playing and there I am again, fourteen years old with the world slipping away; right out from underneath me.
I'm quite fragile, really.
Realise that. See me, see past the lipgloss that I am who I am and I can't change it until I know how. Look at me like you never really did and tell me, tell me you see her, the little girl beaten down, the fourteen year old who had everything she knew yanked from her grasp in one evening, the woman who's engagement broke up over a fight about a cat scratch, the American mindless plaything of a man who never knew her worth, the person trying to get out of this fight alive.
I want everyone to know I'm going to be okay because I have to be. I can't let the things that will never change hold me down. Someday, I'm sure, I'll understand it all. I'm going to keep moving. I'm going to succeed in everything I desire and you can watch me while I rise, up and away from this house, from this city, from all the people who let me down... I'm going to do this even if it hurts every step. I can't give up due to dissappointments reverberating throughout my brief history. I've got do it, for me, for Seamus, for whoever I am and was meant to be. I learned to be strong because I had to; even alone I can't stop laughing. Reliving this heartbreak, I've got to get over it, no matter how much it hurts, I've got to finish this and do it the best I can. You have to stand up straighter when you feel need to collapse. I'm not happy and I can't mask that, but changing it is up to me.
So promise me, I'm not alone...
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Amazing
Brief talk with Sean. Have realized who I'm really angry at. I walk around all this time feeling like the bottom will fall out.
You know what?
It always did.
I'm over it, now. Lucky for you, I've turned out wonderful and beautiful and amazing and all without the help of you or your wife.
Sher made so much sense the other day when she said he must have always knew I'd be the stronger one. Sometimes I think, really, she's the wisest person I know.
But, as for the question, I've never actually asked... what about me?
You know what?
It always did.
I'm over it, now. Lucky for you, I've turned out wonderful and beautiful and amazing and all without the help of you or your wife.
Sher made so much sense the other day when she said he must have always knew I'd be the stronger one. Sometimes I think, really, she's the wisest person I know.
But, as for the question, I've never actually asked... what about me?
Friday, July 07, 2006
THAT BITCH AIN'T WORTH HALF OF ME!
Stalking once again, to find other pictures of happy couples.
Well, I got a job interview while these stupid girls got men. I cannot take anymore of this, girls with nothing to do but mirror the guy they date around. I want it said one day that I did everything by myself, for myself, and all in good shoes.
GOOD SHOES!
Skeevatz Chris called again today. What is it about bad men that you can't get enough of? Fuck him. Fuck all of them, these stupid little boys I mess around with. Fuck them all. They're all full of shit and wasting my time. I'm a proffessional now.
If everything works out, I'll be the future manager of this promotions company. And do you know what that means?
COLD HARD CASH. And a faster route to another job.
And that girl sitting in the pictures next to sexy redhead, oh please, all she's got is him!
Hairdresser fucked up my hair today, goddamned butcher. I asked her to take an inch off, that woman took a foot. Now I'm prqactically bald. It's so short I look thirty.
I'm disgusted, angry, and embittered.
Surely, an ad proffessional in the making.
Well, I got a job interview while these stupid girls got men. I cannot take anymore of this, girls with nothing to do but mirror the guy they date around. I want it said one day that I did everything by myself, for myself, and all in good shoes.
GOOD SHOES!
Skeevatz Chris called again today. What is it about bad men that you can't get enough of? Fuck him. Fuck all of them, these stupid little boys I mess around with. Fuck them all. They're all full of shit and wasting my time. I'm a proffessional now.
If everything works out, I'll be the future manager of this promotions company. And do you know what that means?
COLD HARD CASH. And a faster route to another job.
And that girl sitting in the pictures next to sexy redhead, oh please, all she's got is him!
Hairdresser fucked up my hair today, goddamned butcher. I asked her to take an inch off, that woman took a foot. Now I'm prqactically bald. It's so short I look thirty.
I'm disgusted, angry, and embittered.
Surely, an ad proffessional in the making.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Chin Up!!!
Job situation looking better as have at least scored an interview. Not o sure it's what I'm looking for, but it's better than nothing, right?
Wish I had someone to talk to... bored and need something new.
Shopping out with Sher yesterday who's having the same struggle. Having dinner with Genev tonight at El Cantinero! Excited mildly... begruding the thought of having to return merchandise bought for no reason in this same neighborhood.
Skeevatz Chris has been hanging around. It kind of annoys me honestly, I feel so frustrated, I never find anyone I like. Sher says I'm too picky, but I don't think that's it. If I could just get a job, I'd be happier. Personal acheivements, right? I've just got to keep trying. You don't get anything unless you really want it. I want this. I want a new job. I want a new life out of Bloomingdales, out fo my old norm of simply moaning about an issue instead of solving it. I want a new job. I want a new job for Sher too. I want success I can come home and think, I'm doing something worthwhile, I'm working to potential. I'm encompassing all my talents and not letting my brain waste away in the mindless world of retail.
And as for all the dimwitted losers I date on and off in New York simply to get into this party or be seen there can go to hell, too. This si getting me no where. I want to be adored. I want to be revered. I want to be with someone who will apprechiate my mind and not my family backing or my shape.
I want to move forward.
And, like I said, you've just got to want it bad enough. I do. I'm trying.
Keep dancing, babe.
Wish I had someone to talk to... bored and need something new.
Shopping out with Sher yesterday who's having the same struggle. Having dinner with Genev tonight at El Cantinero! Excited mildly... begruding the thought of having to return merchandise bought for no reason in this same neighborhood.
Skeevatz Chris has been hanging around. It kind of annoys me honestly, I feel so frustrated, I never find anyone I like. Sher says I'm too picky, but I don't think that's it. If I could just get a job, I'd be happier. Personal acheivements, right? I've just got to keep trying. You don't get anything unless you really want it. I want this. I want a new job. I want a new life out of Bloomingdales, out fo my old norm of simply moaning about an issue instead of solving it. I want a new job. I want a new job for Sher too. I want success I can come home and think, I'm doing something worthwhile, I'm working to potential. I'm encompassing all my talents and not letting my brain waste away in the mindless world of retail.
And as for all the dimwitted losers I date on and off in New York simply to get into this party or be seen there can go to hell, too. This si getting me no where. I want to be adored. I want to be revered. I want to be with someone who will apprechiate my mind and not my family backing or my shape.
I want to move forward.
And, like I said, you've just got to want it bad enough. I do. I'm trying.
Keep dancing, babe.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Zero!
T emailed; poor thing sounds very stressed after his vacation to Prague. Hmm. This job buisness sounds serious... Ah, wish I had a better one of those!
The job buisness and buisness of finding a better one is going slowly. Have been contacted by no one. NO ONE.
Jen and Chas are carrying on about the new railing. Destroying our fabulous antique railing for my brother's kitchy lack of taste!
Saw Genev yesterday who, of course is, like everyone else on the planet save myself enjoying a good relationship and the chance of Tiffany's come the ninth. Have I mentioned there is a chance I'll be spending July 4th with the Silversteins? If not for being sad and alone and pathetic with a thusfar unsuccessful job search at least I'm going down with Sher. We're going out to the clubs tonight.
Ash somehow appeared at the beach yesterday. Ina went as well. We are currently using her as the measurring stick for our own going outs.
So tired though haven't done anything. Restrart job on Sunday.
The job buisness and buisness of finding a better one is going slowly. Have been contacted by no one. NO ONE.
Jen and Chas are carrying on about the new railing. Destroying our fabulous antique railing for my brother's kitchy lack of taste!
Saw Genev yesterday who, of course is, like everyone else on the planet save myself enjoying a good relationship and the chance of Tiffany's come the ninth. Have I mentioned there is a chance I'll be spending July 4th with the Silversteins? If not for being sad and alone and pathetic with a thusfar unsuccessful job search at least I'm going down with Sher. We're going out to the clubs tonight.
Ash somehow appeared at the beach yesterday. Ina went as well. We are currently using her as the measurring stick for our own going outs.
So tired though haven't done anything. Restrart job on Sunday.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Appearences
Anyway, week has been crazy as is. Spent a fortune on lingerie at Victoria's... why is beyond me as I have gone out every night this week and met no one.
Had dinner with Cor who took me to see Madonna... The woman is GOD! She was amazing, you have no idea... I got to sit in like this box with him where all the minions that didn't know the right people couldn't get to me. Cor... eh, there just isn't any chemistry with him. I was the pretty date to keep up his image. I didn't care, I saw GOD! She was like three feet away from us! He's alright, I guess, and as Ash says, just like any other leprachaun, he's got a pot of gold! But I'm over that. Golddigging went out in 2005. I'm taller than him anyway! He ruined the concert; spent the whole time she was on stage doing a roller disco talking about the lighting. Loser. He leaned in as I was getting into my cab home, and I tapped him on the back and said, "Thank you for the evening," leaving him standing there, gaping. But this guy won't take no for an answer. He hasn't stopped calling, texting, I think I even recieved an email... (it's good to watch them squirm...)
Met Ash's Adam, eh, he's got a wierd sense of humor. The kind that makes you envision how your Chardonnay will look all over his face. He managed to be offensive within two minutes of meeting him. We have judged him unworthy. He and Cor are going on our list of been there but won't do that.
Sher finally took me to Pie and saw the man she gave her number to, who never called her. How could she not see that he is gay?! After thirty mintues of shock, we discussed in length Caitlin's wedding, in which popcorn and peanuts were served as the bride, five months pregnant, drank champagne from the bottle.
After stalking sexy redhead just for kicks, have learned he moved to Dublin. Hmm. He is also claiming to be engaged. I could die... And you KNOW she's gross and ugly with a snaggle toothed cockney attitude talking about what she bought at Primark and wearing the latest from New Look. HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?!
Oh, yes, right; reality. I am simply an aquaintence he has met once and therefor have no real stake in him.
Right?
That can't be correct...
Have been searching out new jobs... no one in New York has taken any intrest in me... but I got some attention from a London firm dealing in retail PR. That would be crazy! I'd get to go back to the place where I ate and ate and ate and still managed to drop ten pounds... The position offers 50,000 pounds a year... I selfishly admitt I'd like to hear back from them. I mean I sent in my resume, but God knows. And could I really leave New York before I finished my degree? Eight more months!!!
But for 100,000$?!
Hmm.
I'd be a sugar mommy. A bit young, really, but still a sugar mommy.
And I'd stand there at King's Cross... by haps surpassing T (who never emailed, but then, he is on vacation) and standing there in my fabulous ornate clothing supplied by my hefty salary and yell out "BOO!" to which we'd havee an amazing reunion and the best sex of my life.
But he never emailed me. Hmm. This could be an issue... Right?
Ah, well. If it gets bad, there's always Cor or newly freed Adam. What a selection!
(God bless this desparation!)
Am taking oral lessons with Ash, as have become quite aware that I have no ability in that area. We signed up for a class near West 4th. Might skip out, though. All the pretty girls are bad in bed!
Going tomorrow with Jen to pick out colors for the new living room. The picture of what I'll be like at fifty gets more and more fastidious.
Missing T. Fucking men! Why is it that the ones you never want to hear from again can't stop calling you, and yet, the ones you liked well enough to drink a beer with (in public!) drop you a line only when they're getting married; have become billionaires and are getting married; have gone broke and thus, are looking to marry you, or, the best of all, have spent the time away from you in therapy and have decided to marry your preceeding ex, also on the road to self-discovery once you were out of the picture?
Ah, well. I'll sit here and bitch to Ash as always!
Had dinner with Cor who took me to see Madonna... The woman is GOD! She was amazing, you have no idea... I got to sit in like this box with him where all the minions that didn't know the right people couldn't get to me. Cor... eh, there just isn't any chemistry with him. I was the pretty date to keep up his image. I didn't care, I saw GOD! She was like three feet away from us! He's alright, I guess, and as Ash says, just like any other leprachaun, he's got a pot of gold! But I'm over that. Golddigging went out in 2005. I'm taller than him anyway! He ruined the concert; spent the whole time she was on stage doing a roller disco talking about the lighting. Loser. He leaned in as I was getting into my cab home, and I tapped him on the back and said, "Thank you for the evening," leaving him standing there, gaping. But this guy won't take no for an answer. He hasn't stopped calling, texting, I think I even recieved an email... (it's good to watch them squirm...)
Met Ash's Adam, eh, he's got a wierd sense of humor. The kind that makes you envision how your Chardonnay will look all over his face. He managed to be offensive within two minutes of meeting him. We have judged him unworthy. He and Cor are going on our list of been there but won't do that.
Sher finally took me to Pie and saw the man she gave her number to, who never called her. How could she not see that he is gay?! After thirty mintues of shock, we discussed in length Caitlin's wedding, in which popcorn and peanuts were served as the bride, five months pregnant, drank champagne from the bottle.
After stalking sexy redhead just for kicks, have learned he moved to Dublin. Hmm. He is also claiming to be engaged. I could die... And you KNOW she's gross and ugly with a snaggle toothed cockney attitude talking about what she bought at Primark and wearing the latest from New Look. HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?!
Oh, yes, right; reality. I am simply an aquaintence he has met once and therefor have no real stake in him.
Right?
That can't be correct...
Have been searching out new jobs... no one in New York has taken any intrest in me... but I got some attention from a London firm dealing in retail PR. That would be crazy! I'd get to go back to the place where I ate and ate and ate and still managed to drop ten pounds... The position offers 50,000 pounds a year... I selfishly admitt I'd like to hear back from them. I mean I sent in my resume, but God knows. And could I really leave New York before I finished my degree? Eight more months!!!
But for 100,000$?!
Hmm.
I'd be a sugar mommy. A bit young, really, but still a sugar mommy.
And I'd stand there at King's Cross... by haps surpassing T (who never emailed, but then, he is on vacation) and standing there in my fabulous ornate clothing supplied by my hefty salary and yell out "BOO!" to which we'd havee an amazing reunion and the best sex of my life.
But he never emailed me. Hmm. This could be an issue... Right?
Ah, well. If it gets bad, there's always Cor or newly freed Adam. What a selection!
(God bless this desparation!)
Am taking oral lessons with Ash, as have become quite aware that I have no ability in that area. We signed up for a class near West 4th. Might skip out, though. All the pretty girls are bad in bed!
Going tomorrow with Jen to pick out colors for the new living room. The picture of what I'll be like at fifty gets more and more fastidious.
Missing T. Fucking men! Why is it that the ones you never want to hear from again can't stop calling you, and yet, the ones you liked well enough to drink a beer with (in public!) drop you a line only when they're getting married; have become billionaires and are getting married; have gone broke and thus, are looking to marry you, or, the best of all, have spent the time away from you in therapy and have decided to marry your preceeding ex, also on the road to self-discovery once you were out of the picture?
Ah, well. I'll sit here and bitch to Ash as always!
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