Oh my God, I hate my job. I hate them all. It is so annoying to constantly be bothered by these people, you've no idea.
But the Private Sale is over.
And I can sleep.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
The Fairytale... Ending?
Will NEVER drink again.
NEVER.
Night out with Chris and Company went smoother than expected. However, I can never look these people in the eye again.
Well it all began at the Affinia, where we met up actually on time. (Can we light a candle?!) Some shaggy looking guy complemented my Arsenal scarf and he turned out to be some musical artist from Britian. So the token celeb spotting of course took place. Christian's friends seemed better than expected. They were even reasonably dressed! No one seemed to be mixing, so to inspire this mix, I had had the forethought to pick somewhere close but not too close so I could break us up in cabs. Ash and Sarah went in one with Warren and Alex, and I got to sit bitch with Christian and Simon. Ash got there first.
OK. As most nights out with Ash begin we went to El Cantinero, our favorite resturuant. We had sangria. We ALL know how I get with sangria. BAD. Anyway, these people seated me at the head of the table so we could all watch as I made a shameless spectacle of myself. Four glasses of this stuff later I was continuously laughing for no apparent reason rather loudly and ranting incoherently about George W by myself in the corner. I even took one of the marachinos out of Sarah's glass and asked Chris to "Pop my cherry." Wow.
So as I was shaming the USA, Ash and Sarah were getting along well. Ash was coherently ranting about politics with Christian and Alex and I think Simon was in on it just less so. Sarah, omg, I was so proud, was chatting up Warren! SHE GOT THE CUTE ONE - I had already staked my claims on Chris, so I let them have the leftovers, but she got the cute one of those! The two quiet ones seemed to link up. Sarah, you devil... I was so proud.
Anyway, as the evening progressed we decided to go to the W to Underbar. By this time I was GONE and Ash was coming along but you know Sarah was holding out. We got one of the velvet rooms and seated ourselves boy-girl like they do in grammar school when they want you to stop talking. Anyway, after a cocktail where I was ok, I proceeded to drink Ash's wine or two and well, by the end me and Ash were laying down, singing along to the soundtrack, and I think we even kissed eachother. We got up to go to the restroom and they have one of those walls of water like at Tao, we nearly took a bath in it, screetching about how ironic it was we were going to go home empty handed and SARAH got the guy! That blue top was a disaster and kept falling; so I guarantee everyone saw my boobs or rather, lack there of. It's going back today. Not only that but it added ten pounds.
OK. But it isn't over. Sad as I was the other day about not getting my fairytale ending, everything gets better.
Last night was the first night the weather has stayed warm. Springtime in New York is always somewhat sparkly. Twelve hit, that's when the last bus to Westchester leaves. I asked Chris to come with me, he said he would. I couldn't walk in those shoes so we took a cab. One thing lead to the next and we got to talking about London. What is it about guys and the early evening lighting? One just seemed to stick to the other... Anyway, we ended up back at the hotel room (I got my view of it!) and laughed the rest of the evening off underneath the sheets. Was so sweet, didn't take advantage of the situation... anyway, I take back what I said earlier in this journal, in reguards to the British and their bad kissing... was the sweetest kiss I've had in a long time.
It was bliss though, until the clock struck 1... when Cinderella was supposed to be leaving the ball. *Smirks* I stayed another half hour and then sadly had to go. An avante guarde kiss goodbye and the saddest cab ride home ever. Was so refreshing, admitted, to leave a date and for once, not want to. Another NYC fairytale.
I love this city sometimes, the cabdriver and I nearly cried like babies as we got along the West Side highway, where me and Render would drive during these early spring evenings. The air and the lighting hit it so that you can see the water glisten underneath the lit up windows of a thousand different stories, all ending for the day. The song on, ironically, was "Midnight Train to Georgia;" the cabdriver and I did a wonderful rendition.
"I can't be near you, the light just radiates..."
-Courtney Love
Got to thinking... Maybe Al is right, I do date the wrong men...
So the verdict?
Am looking forward to London.
NEVER.
Night out with Chris and Company went smoother than expected. However, I can never look these people in the eye again.
Well it all began at the Affinia, where we met up actually on time. (Can we light a candle?!) Some shaggy looking guy complemented my Arsenal scarf and he turned out to be some musical artist from Britian. So the token celeb spotting of course took place. Christian's friends seemed better than expected. They were even reasonably dressed! No one seemed to be mixing, so to inspire this mix, I had had the forethought to pick somewhere close but not too close so I could break us up in cabs. Ash and Sarah went in one with Warren and Alex, and I got to sit bitch with Christian and Simon. Ash got there first.
OK. As most nights out with Ash begin we went to El Cantinero, our favorite resturuant. We had sangria. We ALL know how I get with sangria. BAD. Anyway, these people seated me at the head of the table so we could all watch as I made a shameless spectacle of myself. Four glasses of this stuff later I was continuously laughing for no apparent reason rather loudly and ranting incoherently about George W by myself in the corner. I even took one of the marachinos out of Sarah's glass and asked Chris to "Pop my cherry." Wow.
So as I was shaming the USA, Ash and Sarah were getting along well. Ash was coherently ranting about politics with Christian and Alex and I think Simon was in on it just less so. Sarah, omg, I was so proud, was chatting up Warren! SHE GOT THE CUTE ONE - I had already staked my claims on Chris, so I let them have the leftovers, but she got the cute one of those! The two quiet ones seemed to link up. Sarah, you devil... I was so proud.
Anyway, as the evening progressed we decided to go to the W to Underbar. By this time I was GONE and Ash was coming along but you know Sarah was holding out. We got one of the velvet rooms and seated ourselves boy-girl like they do in grammar school when they want you to stop talking. Anyway, after a cocktail where I was ok, I proceeded to drink Ash's wine or two and well, by the end me and Ash were laying down, singing along to the soundtrack, and I think we even kissed eachother. We got up to go to the restroom and they have one of those walls of water like at Tao, we nearly took a bath in it, screetching about how ironic it was we were going to go home empty handed and SARAH got the guy! That blue top was a disaster and kept falling; so I guarantee everyone saw my boobs or rather, lack there of. It's going back today. Not only that but it added ten pounds.
OK. But it isn't over. Sad as I was the other day about not getting my fairytale ending, everything gets better.
Last night was the first night the weather has stayed warm. Springtime in New York is always somewhat sparkly. Twelve hit, that's when the last bus to Westchester leaves. I asked Chris to come with me, he said he would. I couldn't walk in those shoes so we took a cab. One thing lead to the next and we got to talking about London. What is it about guys and the early evening lighting? One just seemed to stick to the other... Anyway, we ended up back at the hotel room (I got my view of it!) and laughed the rest of the evening off underneath the sheets. Was so sweet, didn't take advantage of the situation... anyway, I take back what I said earlier in this journal, in reguards to the British and their bad kissing... was the sweetest kiss I've had in a long time.
It was bliss though, until the clock struck 1... when Cinderella was supposed to be leaving the ball. *Smirks* I stayed another half hour and then sadly had to go. An avante guarde kiss goodbye and the saddest cab ride home ever. Was so refreshing, admitted, to leave a date and for once, not want to. Another NYC fairytale.
I love this city sometimes, the cabdriver and I nearly cried like babies as we got along the West Side highway, where me and Render would drive during these early spring evenings. The air and the lighting hit it so that you can see the water glisten underneath the lit up windows of a thousand different stories, all ending for the day. The song on, ironically, was "Midnight Train to Georgia;" the cabdriver and I did a wonderful rendition.
"I can't be near you, the light just radiates..."
-Courtney Love
Got to thinking... Maybe Al is right, I do date the wrong men...
So the verdict?
Am looking forward to London.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Ugh...
Suddenly having second thoughts.
Ash and I agree, we're getting harder and harder to get!
But we will laugh it off, Sher would do it!
Ash and I agree, we're getting harder and harder to get!
But we will laugh it off, Sher would do it!
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
ONE Thing
OMG... They were all over like a cheap suit (in literal terms, thanks) at Bloominghell today. CRAZY. All of these women are crazy. These women have no shame, they want it NOW and AS CHEAP AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.
I myself purchased a lovely top for $20... Diane Von Furstenberg, thanks.
(But we'll just act like it was full price)
I knid of liked it in the store, but love it now that I'm home. My lack of boobage permitted me to get a slim size four, but I think I really needed the six.
Am going to wear it to dinner with Chris and Company tomorrow. OMG. This can be a disaster. And yet, I'm going. Eesh.
Since when do we associate with straight men my age?!
Right.
Have I mentioned I haven't started my biochemistry homework?
I myself purchased a lovely top for $20... Diane Von Furstenberg, thanks.
(But we'll just act like it was full price)
I knid of liked it in the store, but love it now that I'm home. My lack of boobage permitted me to get a slim size four, but I think I really needed the six.
Am going to wear it to dinner with Chris and Company tomorrow. OMG. This can be a disaster. And yet, I'm going. Eesh.
Since when do we associate with straight men my age?!
Right.
Have I mentioned I haven't started my biochemistry homework?
Monday, March 27, 2006
Judgement Day
The big meeting with Chris from Britian went surprisingly well. He was cute, personable and well-dressed. He has green eyes! Had fun taking him around, little did he know, we were all part of the scam; everyone wanted to see the mysterious British penpal! (Me and my endless lust for fairytale endings...)Talked about his dog Sam and walked around so much my feet are currently bleeding because Casey was a prima donna and wore stillettos. Oh, for the love of clothing!
Am not sure how I feel about the situation, thinking Caitlin was right when she mentioned online meetings with Sher.
Am going out with him aghain on Wednesday and taking Farrah and Sarah and of course Ash in towe. Fabulous.
Is so odd have met this person. Am even considering Jonathan was right when he spoke about London in reguards to me and my usual avoidance of reality.
"Reality, I knew, was a hopeless to be had."
-Fiona Apple
I'm being OD and silly. I need a nap. I've had such a crazy day...
Am doing amazing with my diet!
"Hunger hurts, but starving works..."
-Fiona Apple
I'm obviously not starving; but I'd kill for ice cream.
Am not sure how I feel about the situation, thinking Caitlin was right when she mentioned online meetings with Sher.
Am going out with him aghain on Wednesday and taking Farrah and Sarah and of course Ash in towe. Fabulous.
Is so odd have met this person. Am even considering Jonathan was right when he spoke about London in reguards to me and my usual avoidance of reality.
"Reality, I knew, was a hopeless to be had."
-Fiona Apple
I'm being OD and silly. I need a nap. I've had such a crazy day...
Am doing amazing with my diet!
"Hunger hurts, but starving works..."
-Fiona Apple
I'm obviously not starving; but I'd kill for ice cream.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Late Night Contemplation
The weather is indescisive, that kind of fog that happens before it rains but also after, the fog that means change but you haven't the slightest idea as to where it goes.
I looked at her smiling face again. It's in a way my own personal shock value; you know it's going to hurt but you just have to keep doing it. I feel the glass of the monitor and again, know I'm still on the outside.
But Casey, who's getting in?
Sometimes I wonder if everyday will be like this. I know I'll always be different, I've come to accept that fact; growing up a daughter no one wanted, being an only in a world that wanted nothing but alsos constantly. And I can hold my head up now that all that has changed and people have begun to see the beauty in my former ugliness...
But it doesn't change the fact. I can't keep doing this. Everyday cannot begin with the affront of constant endings. And I wonder if its me doing it to myself...
I won't hide the pain, the shame...
I still can't believe you left me, too.
Or did you? Do you wait...
And for all those who'd like to know about what became of me and the want of everything that was there...
I'm not over it, yet, Jags. I'm not over it.
I looked at her smiling face again. It's in a way my own personal shock value; you know it's going to hurt but you just have to keep doing it. I feel the glass of the monitor and again, know I'm still on the outside.
But Casey, who's getting in?
Sometimes I wonder if everyday will be like this. I know I'll always be different, I've come to accept that fact; growing up a daughter no one wanted, being an only in a world that wanted nothing but alsos constantly. And I can hold my head up now that all that has changed and people have begun to see the beauty in my former ugliness...
But it doesn't change the fact. I can't keep doing this. Everyday cannot begin with the affront of constant endings. And I wonder if its me doing it to myself...
I won't hide the pain, the shame...
I still can't believe you left me, too.
Or did you? Do you wait...
And for all those who'd like to know about what became of me and the want of everything that was there...
I'm not over it, yet, Jags. I'm not over it.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Everything Going Wrong
Nearly everyone on Earth cancelled on me today.
Am very mad; particularly at British Chris, who I cancelled other plans of my own to meet up with and told me some BS about being tired. I hate when guys lie. It's like just tell me "We're going out, Casey, to a club where we intend on meeting more than just one girl; thus cannot meet you, who will be alone." Don't give me shit I have to pretend out of politeness to be stupid enough to believe! I'm not going to break from the truth; promise. Don't make me get dressed and then cancel. And above all, DON'T suggest meeting an alternative time when I'm still angry about being dressed up with nowhere to go. This will only throw gasoline on the fire. I'm so pissed; I put so much effort into blowing out my hair! I hate men so much right now.
Michele's party is still on, though. I missed the earlier bus. I got on; and then remembered I did not have my wallet. NICE. So here I am waiting another hour for the next bus. At least I can relax, this party is at the Trailor Park. Jeans and a tank top with rhinestones; exposed bra straps. Do I look white-trashy enough?
I'm so pissed at everyone in the world right now. Particularly the lying men! And if you're going to give me lies, AT LEAST make them believable!
Fucking men!
Well, Michele's party indeed is the place for me right now. A bunch of FIT girls complaining. How much do you love Michele? Honestly, I'm glad in a way I can spend more time at her party. I've missed us all hanging out like we used to.
Am very mad; particularly at British Chris, who I cancelled other plans of my own to meet up with and told me some BS about being tired. I hate when guys lie. It's like just tell me "We're going out, Casey, to a club where we intend on meeting more than just one girl; thus cannot meet you, who will be alone." Don't give me shit I have to pretend out of politeness to be stupid enough to believe! I'm not going to break from the truth; promise. Don't make me get dressed and then cancel. And above all, DON'T suggest meeting an alternative time when I'm still angry about being dressed up with nowhere to go. This will only throw gasoline on the fire. I'm so pissed; I put so much effort into blowing out my hair! I hate men so much right now.
Michele's party is still on, though. I missed the earlier bus. I got on; and then remembered I did not have my wallet. NICE. So here I am waiting another hour for the next bus. At least I can relax, this party is at the Trailor Park. Jeans and a tank top with rhinestones; exposed bra straps. Do I look white-trashy enough?
I'm so pissed at everyone in the world right now. Particularly the lying men! And if you're going to give me lies, AT LEAST make them believable!
Fucking men!
Well, Michele's party indeed is the place for me right now. A bunch of FIT girls complaining. How much do you love Michele? Honestly, I'm glad in a way I can spend more time at her party. I've missed us all hanging out like we used to.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Sales and Salesless
Sold my arse off tonight at work. Working my way to Londontown, dollar by dollar.
Think my knees have deflated.
5Knuckle sale today. We sold not one lousy shirt. Wow. Got a fre sandwhich out of the deal, however.
Ate too much today, must try better tomorrow.
Am starting to miss having a relationship... Am drawing a picture of my future that includes no one but me and a fabulous wardrobe and fortune. Hmm.
Alone again, naturally.
It's just the dieting; I need to have a rest. Surely this emotion will pass...
Think my knees have deflated.
5Knuckle sale today. We sold not one lousy shirt. Wow. Got a fre sandwhich out of the deal, however.
Ate too much today, must try better tomorrow.
Am starting to miss having a relationship... Am drawing a picture of my future that includes no one but me and a fabulous wardrobe and fortune. Hmm.
Alone again, naturally.
It's just the dieting; I need to have a rest. Surely this emotion will pass...
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Larry S. and a Bit of a Hairy Situation...
Larry S. loves me. Fantastic. I can see a passing grade now, no matter how much previously doubted.
Have been talking to Scott the Marine lately again. Hear he's unhappy, well that is a shame.
Met a kindred spirit at the hair salon (where I go to relax as a treat to myself) today. Emma from London who came here all alone to New York. We equally hate men, and feel the same about my and her fair cities. Well, I think that's right cute.
Ran three miles today at the track. Pretty decent.
Am feeling better about my knees, the girls at school are so nice. I love that place so much. I love the fact that its just us, no matter how crazy it gets. Always a shoulder to lean on.
Was approached by a bum todayu about a dubious stain on the seat of my light blue pants. I told him off as he overly complimented my "shiner" (the pants were nylon, you see). J. and A. were laughing hysterically.
%Knuckle sale tomorrow, but for now, sweet bed...
Have been talking to Scott the Marine lately again. Hear he's unhappy, well that is a shame.
Met a kindred spirit at the hair salon (where I go to relax as a treat to myself) today. Emma from London who came here all alone to New York. We equally hate men, and feel the same about my and her fair cities. Well, I think that's right cute.
Ran three miles today at the track. Pretty decent.
Am feeling better about my knees, the girls at school are so nice. I love that place so much. I love the fact that its just us, no matter how crazy it gets. Always a shoulder to lean on.
Was approached by a bum todayu about a dubious stain on the seat of my light blue pants. I told him off as he overly complimented my "shiner" (the pants were nylon, you see). J. and A. were laughing hysterically.
%Knuckle sale tomorrow, but for now, sweet bed...
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Pretty Low
I am starving and still look FAT. I am so upset right now I can just cry. Skeevatz American Chris, too... They don;t help. I just want to die.
I have never been so upset over this, I have never been this low.
I am literally brought to tears of frustration.
I have never been so upset over this, I have never been this low.
I am literally brought to tears of frustration.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Slithering into a Size Four
The birthday dress FITS! I got it zippered without having to suck three quarters of my body weight in. Fantastic!
(Now if only the size four jeans would do the same...)
Bought myself a cocktail ring to celebrate. Fantastic! Pink topaz to sparkle!
British Chris fight today. Wow. You know you're a diva when you fight with strangers.
British Alex is so cute. He is on a secret mission to "edit" me.
(Plenty more where that came from...)
When will I outgrow this attraction to obnoxious, arrogant, snobbish young British redheads? I can just see that 5K diamond now... Oh, you shouldn't have...
Hmmm. As I thought; this fantasy does not agree with the reality. Ah well.
Parties coming with the warmer weather! Michele on Saturday as with Crazy Susie. What to wear?
(Perhaps something in a four?)
(Now if only the size four jeans would do the same...)
Bought myself a cocktail ring to celebrate. Fantastic! Pink topaz to sparkle!
British Chris fight today. Wow. You know you're a diva when you fight with strangers.
British Alex is so cute. He is on a secret mission to "edit" me.
(Plenty more where that came from...)
When will I outgrow this attraction to obnoxious, arrogant, snobbish young British redheads? I can just see that 5K diamond now... Oh, you shouldn't have...
Hmmm. As I thought; this fantasy does not agree with the reality. Ah well.
Parties coming with the warmer weather! Michele on Saturday as with Crazy Susie. What to wear?
(Perhaps something in a four?)
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Unforgiven
He said he didn't care either way. Take the money and run, hun, you've been given this chance. That's all you've got left.
I'm so over it, over this house, over these people, over this city, I can't even feel sad about it anymore.
I'm done.
Sher is having a Renaissance; it didn't work out with Mark the doctor, but you know I think it was good for her. It's calling to her life attention to areas she leaves untouched. She's joining another gym, saving her money, and eating better. All the while working on a solid career.
Worked all day and surpassed my salesgoal. FANTASTIC! Am being extra good and not buying anything.
And am sticking to diet number 561. Had dinner of two hard boiled eggs and some wheat bread; avoiding the lasangne (which I don't like, anyway) and even the St. Joseph's pastries, which though I don't care for, I was starving so I would have gladly eaten them. Have cut out all my night snacking...
Frat called again talking about we need to do it again. Is he kidding?!
Sarah found me via facebook from one of beautiful strangers. She's such a funny girl. I miss them, I miss that part of my life.
(Stop laughing, I'm serious...)
Am freaking out as do not know what top to wear when British Chris lands. AACK!
I'm so over it, over this house, over these people, over this city, I can't even feel sad about it anymore.
I'm done.
Sher is having a Renaissance; it didn't work out with Mark the doctor, but you know I think it was good for her. It's calling to her life attention to areas she leaves untouched. She's joining another gym, saving her money, and eating better. All the while working on a solid career.
Worked all day and surpassed my salesgoal. FANTASTIC! Am being extra good and not buying anything.
And am sticking to diet number 561. Had dinner of two hard boiled eggs and some wheat bread; avoiding the lasangne (which I don't like, anyway) and even the St. Joseph's pastries, which though I don't care for, I was starving so I would have gladly eaten them. Have cut out all my night snacking...
Frat called again talking about we need to do it again. Is he kidding?!
Sarah found me via facebook from one of beautiful strangers. She's such a funny girl. I miss them, I miss that part of my life.
(Stop laughing, I'm serious...)
Am freaking out as do not know what top to wear when British Chris lands. AACK!
Friday, March 17, 2006
Irish Day
Ok, some updates. This has been a big week.
1. SHER HAS FOUND A MAN. A hot Jewish doctor that lives in her favortie building in the city. A. and I are crying with happiness for her.
2. A. is back from the D.R. with less sweaty Hispanic men not speaking English than anticipated. But we'll accept it. A hot Canadian was enough!
3. S. has broken up with her boyfriend of a year. I wish there were more I could do, she is so sad. She's coming out oggle all the redheads tonight with A. and I.
4. Am no longer speaking with Render. I can't save her anymore.
5. Skeevatz Chris is still on the plate after "breaking up" with me last week... This is guy is such a loser.
6. London wants ME! Well a company has expressed intrest in me, rather.
7. I have gotten rejected for the first time since grade school. BY A PERFECT STRANGER! This person was last week's obsession.
So the situation is getting less desparate sas there is so much action going on as is. Next week British Chris lands in Newark to stay a block down from school. I have mixed feelings about meeting this person. Once he becomes a reality, it's no longer as fun.
Some triva about this week:
1. Calories ingested: 67457867437678734896788345689457548678579658467486456456652389758
Calories necasary: 800
2. Trips to a Sex Shop: 5 (don't ask)
3. Love Stories Begun, Ended, Got More Intresting or Simply Mocked as they Crash and Burn: 5
4. Songs Dowloaded: 1
5. Times Have Listened to that Song: 89
Am out toni9ght to celebrate my ancestory with the rest of the bridge and tunnels.
1. SHER HAS FOUND A MAN. A hot Jewish doctor that lives in her favortie building in the city. A. and I are crying with happiness for her.
2. A. is back from the D.R. with less sweaty Hispanic men not speaking English than anticipated. But we'll accept it. A hot Canadian was enough!
3. S. has broken up with her boyfriend of a year. I wish there were more I could do, she is so sad. She's coming out oggle all the redheads tonight with A. and I.
4. Am no longer speaking with Render. I can't save her anymore.
5. Skeevatz Chris is still on the plate after "breaking up" with me last week... This is guy is such a loser.
6. London wants ME! Well a company has expressed intrest in me, rather.
7. I have gotten rejected for the first time since grade school. BY A PERFECT STRANGER! This person was last week's obsession.
So the situation is getting less desparate sas there is so much action going on as is. Next week British Chris lands in Newark to stay a block down from school. I have mixed feelings about meeting this person. Once he becomes a reality, it's no longer as fun.
Some triva about this week:
1. Calories ingested: 67457867437678734896788345689457548678579658467486456456652389758
Calories necasary: 800
2. Trips to a Sex Shop: 5 (don't ask)
3. Love Stories Begun, Ended, Got More Intresting or Simply Mocked as they Crash and Burn: 5
4. Songs Dowloaded: 1
5. Times Have Listened to that Song: 89
Am out toni9ght to celebrate my ancestory with the rest of the bridge and tunnels.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Hit It!
Had cleaned out my disgusting bedroom this morning. Am only half done. Took a tally and have realized, I own too many clothes.
Is that possible?
Have just been running where I ran with the Preston track team. Render went there. It's nice to see girls running for a change, as opposed to the usual, men and some letcherous teenage boys. The park is beautiful now that spring has broken in. The dew is so thick though... it's difficult to breathe.
I'm not that young anymore. I need to set goals, some aspirations for myself, define what it is exactly I want out of life and how to get it. I've been sleeping lately, Render says. Wasting my time with losers I don't care about and couldn't care less about me. I feel I haven't evolved. This is sick, this narcisitic love of my youth, long gone now and in some ways beginning. I've been ignoring the problem long enough.
GOALS FOR SPRING/SUMMER 2006
1. Forget about J.J. and C.J. Enough. Forgive them and move on. They can't drag me down anymore.
2. Learn to drive, once and for all.
3. Find a better job after London.
4. Enjoy London and really take something back from it.
5. Revamp my circle of friends, editing all the negative ones. I need to cut ties with what I no longer believe in.
6. Move out on my own. This, much like a new job, comes after London.
7. End all the bad thoughts. Wasting time on things that don't really matter in the end is just annoying and wasteful.
And so we embark on a new thing here.
Fabulous!
Is that possible?
Have just been running where I ran with the Preston track team. Render went there. It's nice to see girls running for a change, as opposed to the usual, men and some letcherous teenage boys. The park is beautiful now that spring has broken in. The dew is so thick though... it's difficult to breathe.
I'm not that young anymore. I need to set goals, some aspirations for myself, define what it is exactly I want out of life and how to get it. I've been sleeping lately, Render says. Wasting my time with losers I don't care about and couldn't care less about me. I feel I haven't evolved. This is sick, this narcisitic love of my youth, long gone now and in some ways beginning. I've been ignoring the problem long enough.
GOALS FOR SPRING/SUMMER 2006
1. Forget about J.J. and C.J. Enough. Forgive them and move on. They can't drag me down anymore.
2. Learn to drive, once and for all.
3. Find a better job after London.
4. Enjoy London and really take something back from it.
5. Revamp my circle of friends, editing all the negative ones. I need to cut ties with what I no longer believe in.
6. Move out on my own. This, much like a new job, comes after London.
7. End all the bad thoughts. Wasting time on things that don't really matter in the end is just annoying and wasteful.
And so we embark on a new thing here.
Fabulous!
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Loosifer!!!!!!!
I think they need to put a leash on me.
VICOUS.
But screw that, I tapped that. When will I outgrow the need to prove I can do something simply to prove I can? He will never get over this. But it's good to know that the girl who watched him play hockey in the schoolyard years ago got her way.
Time and time again.
I think P. knows. He was awake!
Bad girl...
And that poor guy is flying now to Florida with his girlfriend of a year.
You know how that makes me feel... I smirk to think of them just laying down to bed... This poor guy. Seduced simply for my amusement. My entire relationship with this man, as long as I have known him, since 8 years ago; has been simply for my amusement.
And you know, culture works in such a way that they never see it. He's never going to think it was MY fault, no, Cathy didn't do that. He cheated on his own free will, of course.
Oh, yea, he has free will. A mind of his own!
(All of them do, don't you know?!)
And the most fun is, they ALL believe that crock...
God bless the fact I was born female.
And in a way, I still got it.
The most important thing is not to be adored or deplored, it doesn't matter either way. The most important thing is, for the rest of his life, he will NEVER forget your name.
"Everyone needs to pull a Samantha, Catherine."
-A.
VICOUS.
But screw that, I tapped that. When will I outgrow the need to prove I can do something simply to prove I can? He will never get over this. But it's good to know that the girl who watched him play hockey in the schoolyard years ago got her way.
Time and time again.
I think P. knows. He was awake!
Bad girl...
And that poor guy is flying now to Florida with his girlfriend of a year.
You know how that makes me feel... I smirk to think of them just laying down to bed... This poor guy. Seduced simply for my amusement. My entire relationship with this man, as long as I have known him, since 8 years ago; has been simply for my amusement.
And you know, culture works in such a way that they never see it. He's never going to think it was MY fault, no, Cathy didn't do that. He cheated on his own free will, of course.
Oh, yea, he has free will. A mind of his own!
(All of them do, don't you know?!)
And the most fun is, they ALL believe that crock...
God bless the fact I was born female.
And in a way, I still got it.
The most important thing is not to be adored or deplored, it doesn't matter either way. The most important thing is, for the rest of his life, he will NEVER forget your name.
"Everyone needs to pull a Samantha, Catherine."
-A.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Spring Feva Pitch...
The weather has finally calmed down to pleasantry. Am loving it.
Have developed a scam with one of my British penpals to rope in another to decorate me whilst in London. My life is so odd.
Was meant to go see Skeevatz Chris play in his band last night but opted out to chill with Render and A. and fabulous K. We drove through new parts of Pelham, where we all fantasize about living... it's good to know your dreams can take on a larger map.
Went running, people are really starting to notice my weight loss now. If only my clothing felt the same...
I should be running right now. I went to bed at like 8:30 last night because I was just so exhausted from the week's toils at school.
Ugh... Fuck this. To the caramels!
Have developed a scam with one of my British penpals to rope in another to decorate me whilst in London. My life is so odd.
Was meant to go see Skeevatz Chris play in his band last night but opted out to chill with Render and A. and fabulous K. We drove through new parts of Pelham, where we all fantasize about living... it's good to know your dreams can take on a larger map.
Went running, people are really starting to notice my weight loss now. If only my clothing felt the same...
I should be running right now. I went to bed at like 8:30 last night because I was just so exhausted from the week's toils at school.
Ugh... Fuck this. To the caramels!
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Daughter
I must have been four when I realised my mother was a bit off. Eight when I saw the same in my father.
Age can make the glitter fade.
I've had it, I'm over it.
I'm gone, babe, gone.
Age can make the glitter fade.
I've had it, I'm over it.
I'm gone, babe, gone.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
OK... I'm Back.
There comes a time in unfortunately all my relationships thus far where Mr. Right becomes quite clearly, Mr. What-Was-I-Thinking?!
Skeevatz Chris. Is. Aptly. Named.
Ugh... He really is a loser.
Had a hysterical day at work with L. and R. Hysterical. I had about five thousand calories for lunch as had my long craved for McDonald's chicken sandwhich.
Tried on the skinny jeans, am coming to love my abnormally large hips. Granted, the jeans were stretched within an inch of their lives, but my hips looked so abnormally huge, it was cute in a way.
MUST RUN TOMORROW AT THE TRACK.
Talked dirty to lovely C.H. Married my latest obsession via facebook. The guy actually agreed!
Sher was saved by a miracle last night as she was boarding the train at Grand Central at 2AM. last night. She just happened to bump into this huge guy that Cailtin knows and all his cronies. She rode home with a pack of huge, scary-looking men!
Saw greasy Steve on the train this morning myself, on of the very rare times I have taken it. Was hysterical. The guy jsut keeps chewing your ear off with talking but yet he has NOTHING to say. Why do men do that?! Do I look like I care about basketball finals?! As you can clearly see, I am no athlete.
(Although I have spoken to and shopped with Serena Williams!)
Anyway, to bed. My hair is wet.
Skeevatz Chris. Is. Aptly. Named.
Ugh... He really is a loser.
Had a hysterical day at work with L. and R. Hysterical. I had about five thousand calories for lunch as had my long craved for McDonald's chicken sandwhich.
Tried on the skinny jeans, am coming to love my abnormally large hips. Granted, the jeans were stretched within an inch of their lives, but my hips looked so abnormally huge, it was cute in a way.
MUST RUN TOMORROW AT THE TRACK.
Talked dirty to lovely C.H. Married my latest obsession via facebook. The guy actually agreed!
Sher was saved by a miracle last night as she was boarding the train at Grand Central at 2AM. last night. She just happened to bump into this huge guy that Cailtin knows and all his cronies. She rode home with a pack of huge, scary-looking men!
Saw greasy Steve on the train this morning myself, on of the very rare times I have taken it. Was hysterical. The guy jsut keeps chewing your ear off with talking but yet he has NOTHING to say. Why do men do that?! Do I look like I care about basketball finals?! As you can clearly see, I am no athlete.
(Although I have spoken to and shopped with Serena Williams!)
Anyway, to bed. My hair is wet.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Wait... What?!
Wow. Can we just call attention to the fact that I spent the day with Skeevatz Chris and actually enjoyed it?!
OK.
He's actually very nice, He drove me around all day, chaffuered me to my party with Sher, which was a disaster packed with unhappy, fat single girls in their thirties. Sher and I were the thinnest people there. There has GOT to be something wrong with that. And he actually seemed to enjoy himself! He followed me in and out of stores all day, in the Galleria. Told me what a beautiful shape I had... (is he on crack?!) how gorgeous I was.. and just basically starred admiring me all day like a little lost puppy. He had so much patience, like laughing at me as I tried on stuff, telling me what he liked and didn't. Telling me how much he'd like to see me in that, and in Victoria's Secret... how much he'd like to see me out of it. He was holding bags, coats, purses, everything... I'm a bit suspicious, really.
And the craziest thing... HE MET JEN! So yes, Jen, my Italian, CRAZY, out of it, CYNICAL, sarcastic and OVERLY CRITICAL biological mother, and Sher, my Jewish mother, very similar just in a "OMG, that bag is SUCH fake..." way. (Or, my favorite, "I like don't wanna tell you, but you're like really fat and ugly... and no one likes you..." how much do you love Sher?!) And he met these women in only one day. And still wants to see me.
Wow. There's a strong man if ever I did meet one! *applauds*
Am I falling for the Skeeve?
Anyway Sher was suspicious from second one, she was like "OMG, this is your new boyfriend! I totally see it!" EVERYONE at the party loved him... Skeevatz Chris... I was like girls, he;s just wierd and skeevy. TWENTY FIVE CENT CHRIS!
Hmmm...
And he's still on that, "Oh, Cath, (yes, he;s developed his own name for me. He tried Kitty Cat, EVERY MAN I have ever dated has called me Kitty Cat and the incredible thing is, they ALL think they're the first to do it. Wow. So I set him straight, and Chris being the lyricist he is, had the creative insight to come up with Cath. No no no.) I love you."
Love me?!
I guess maybe it's good to be loved.
Right?
This is such a new sensation, I've been single how long? Forever?! Let's be serious, here. Wow.
And you know, the sweetest thing, he made a case study of me as I did with him... I think I'm getting into him, it's so wierd...
I'VE BEEN SINGLE HOW LONG! I MUST STAY SINGLE! ENGLAND! THE HOT MEN OF ENGLAND! NONE OF WHICH I KNOW! SO MANY MEN WITH RED HAIR YET TO MEET...
Am I wasting time on this brunette?
He knew I loved Subway. The man took me to Subway!
Awww...
I need to sleep, this isn't sensible. Surely I'll wake up tomorrow and be unintrested as I usually am.
OK.
He's actually very nice, He drove me around all day, chaffuered me to my party with Sher, which was a disaster packed with unhappy, fat single girls in their thirties. Sher and I were the thinnest people there. There has GOT to be something wrong with that. And he actually seemed to enjoy himself! He followed me in and out of stores all day, in the Galleria. Told me what a beautiful shape I had... (is he on crack?!) how gorgeous I was.. and just basically starred admiring me all day like a little lost puppy. He had so much patience, like laughing at me as I tried on stuff, telling me what he liked and didn't. Telling me how much he'd like to see me in that, and in Victoria's Secret... how much he'd like to see me out of it. He was holding bags, coats, purses, everything... I'm a bit suspicious, really.
And the craziest thing... HE MET JEN! So yes, Jen, my Italian, CRAZY, out of it, CYNICAL, sarcastic and OVERLY CRITICAL biological mother, and Sher, my Jewish mother, very similar just in a "OMG, that bag is SUCH fake..." way. (Or, my favorite, "I like don't wanna tell you, but you're like really fat and ugly... and no one likes you..." how much do you love Sher?!) And he met these women in only one day. And still wants to see me.
Wow. There's a strong man if ever I did meet one! *applauds*
Am I falling for the Skeeve?
Anyway Sher was suspicious from second one, she was like "OMG, this is your new boyfriend! I totally see it!" EVERYONE at the party loved him... Skeevatz Chris... I was like girls, he;s just wierd and skeevy. TWENTY FIVE CENT CHRIS!
Hmmm...
And he's still on that, "Oh, Cath, (yes, he;s developed his own name for me. He tried Kitty Cat, EVERY MAN I have ever dated has called me Kitty Cat and the incredible thing is, they ALL think they're the first to do it. Wow. So I set him straight, and Chris being the lyricist he is, had the creative insight to come up with Cath. No no no.) I love you."
Love me?!
I guess maybe it's good to be loved.
Right?
This is such a new sensation, I've been single how long? Forever?! Let's be serious, here. Wow.
And you know, the sweetest thing, he made a case study of me as I did with him... I think I'm getting into him, it's so wierd...
I'VE BEEN SINGLE HOW LONG! I MUST STAY SINGLE! ENGLAND! THE HOT MEN OF ENGLAND! NONE OF WHICH I KNOW! SO MANY MEN WITH RED HAIR YET TO MEET...
Am I wasting time on this brunette?
He knew I loved Subway. The man took me to Subway!
Awww...
I need to sleep, this isn't sensible. Surely I'll wake up tomorrow and be unintrested as I usually am.
Detox Blues
Was out last night with A and S, had a blast male bashing and ingesting calories as the white wine was poured. I don;t think I'll ever eat again... So stuffed even from last night! So therefor, VERY scant pickings today.
DETOX!
Am going out with Sher this evening to Amy's new place. Not sure of what to expect. So sad since I shrunk my jeans in the dryer too much...
Am supposed to have lunch with disasterous Chris today. We'll break plans as usual though, relieving me of any necessity to see him.
Never felt so huge in my life. NOTHING fits me. They do not create clothes big enough to cover my ass, the size of Brazil. I feel just so gross and unworthy of any notice whatsoever.
Tired. Haven't slept all week as have been busy procrastinating.
BAD.
I just want to go out and shop...
DETOX!
Am going out with Sher this evening to Amy's new place. Not sure of what to expect. So sad since I shrunk my jeans in the dryer too much...
Am supposed to have lunch with disasterous Chris today. We'll break plans as usual though, relieving me of any necessity to see him.
Never felt so huge in my life. NOTHING fits me. They do not create clothes big enough to cover my ass, the size of Brazil. I feel just so gross and unworthy of any notice whatsoever.
Tired. Haven't slept all week as have been busy procrastinating.
BAD.
I just want to go out and shop...
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Cheap Shoes and Pubilc Humiliation
Went shopping today for work shoes. Bought some at *gasp* PayLess simply because I have nothing.
And of course, everyone at work knew where those shoes came from.
They proceeded to cut up the backs of my feet all evening, I had to walk like a duck simply to avoid making the blisters bleed. Worst ten dollars I ever spent!
Was carrying on at economics class as took the day off from Buisness writing this morning simply because I hate the class. Short little guy in the corner, Old Gray Haired Hippie, to be exact, had a screaming match with Prof. Poole. Wow. The entire class was in shambles at the end. This is why I attend a school with as few straight men as possible. They just ruin everything. I just hate seeing them. Not to mention this man is my father's age. Night classes, dude. Night classes! Espcially if he's unpleasant!
Am going on a messanger diet, as my lovely little British friends have all become one horrible addiction! I'm on that stupid thing maybe, um... 24/7?! I used to have a life. No more.
Am becoming a computer geek.
Am exhausted.
Wow.
And of course, everyone at work knew where those shoes came from.
They proceeded to cut up the backs of my feet all evening, I had to walk like a duck simply to avoid making the blisters bleed. Worst ten dollars I ever spent!
Was carrying on at economics class as took the day off from Buisness writing this morning simply because I hate the class. Short little guy in the corner, Old Gray Haired Hippie, to be exact, had a screaming match with Prof. Poole. Wow. The entire class was in shambles at the end. This is why I attend a school with as few straight men as possible. They just ruin everything. I just hate seeing them. Not to mention this man is my father's age. Night classes, dude. Night classes! Espcially if he's unpleasant!
Am going on a messanger diet, as my lovely little British friends have all become one horrible addiction! I'm on that stupid thing maybe, um... 24/7?! I used to have a life. No more.
Am becoming a computer geek.
Am exhausted.
Wow.
Eesh...
Someone sent me the Article "Five Reasons Your Still Single"...
Damnit I apply to EVERY LAST ONE!
Particulary the last...
5. Your Bad Attitude Leaves a Bad Taste in People's Mouths.
Wow.
The others included creating a strict image in mind that NO ONE could adhere to as a means of avoidance, and simply being selfish with my time management, as well as having pent up anger of past relationships, and of course, classic Casey behavior, being too quick to judge.
Hmmm.
Frigging charlatans!
Damnit I apply to EVERY LAST ONE!
Particulary the last...
5. Your Bad Attitude Leaves a Bad Taste in People's Mouths.
Wow.
The others included creating a strict image in mind that NO ONE could adhere to as a means of avoidance, and simply being selfish with my time management, as well as having pent up anger of past relationships, and of course, classic Casey behavior, being too quick to judge.
Hmmm.
Frigging charlatans!
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