Just Checking...

We just got in. Have met more men tonight than al year in NYC. Have to go so as not to wake Jess, but have some crazy stories...

Doing It Up London Style

Well, for all those that need to know, Jess and I made ti alive. We're here in Londontown and I managed to get a few hours sleep in the meantime. Jet lagged and fabulous, we slept till noon today, 7am our time. Jess and rolled out of bed in the dank apartment.

We live ina townhouse in a flat on the top floor. The place itself, at first glance isn't so bad but I never thought that what I'd miss most would be good American plumbing. Our toilet doesn't flush until u push the clutch a few times; good hard arm pumping. The sink doesn't turn on until u really hit the knobs; and when it does, no telling what temperature the water will be. The shower has to be pumped, and even then, again, no temperature. I took a bath by letting the boiling hot come out of the tap until the ancient pipes were hot enough to let the cold become warm once it was out. Then I just stayed under until it got so cold I had to repeat this process again. Jess and I are here at an internet cafe. We are however, enjoying all the suited men. Loving men with jobs; men who adore little American girls with spunk and flavor.

Flavor?

It still ahsn't sunk in, however, that I'm not at home anymore and won't be for another few weeks. I keep telling Jessica, it feels like we're in some odd part of NY, I just keep thinking we can go home; forgetting that that would mean a seven hour flight. I'm getting comfortable, though, I rembered where I was when I woke up.

I called Jags last night and told him all my woes. As much as I ahte the man its good to know he'll always be around. He's coming through on Thursday and his hotel is just down the winding street we live on.

Something pretty about London; not sparkly like NYC, but pretty and dark at the same time, like grass after a rainshower.

Two Days... What?!

Well cleaned out and fabulous and nearly ready to fly away...

But what to do until then?

The most exciting part of any trip, I've learned is the days before, when you don;t know what to expect. It'll be dissappointing, honestly, to actually get there.

But I'm doing better. i really am.

Tao and Sombreros...

Had happy birthday sung to me at El Cantinero and recieved a free flour tortilla with Ash.

Went to Tao and met Ina, who I love.

And so peaceful and quiet tonight... just ready to sleep.

Perfectly Contented.

West 4th

Missed Ashley with the y's end of the year party unfortunately do to an impromptu birthday trip to West 4th with Sher. She's too funny.

The day itself was wonderful; and also tinged with a bit of sadness as I won't be seeing all of my friends as often now that it summer. Well, except Jessica, but that's a give-in. We got manicure yesterday then went to Jamba Juice. I fell asleep in packaging but I wanted to cry when we left. My life has changed so much in these last few months, and I value nothing more than my new friends. When it really comes down to it, I love my school very much... the years I'm having there are certainly so far my best. I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to actually look forward to classes... Will miss the girls dearly.

Sher's trip to her school for family night was a disaster. They think me and Sher are a couple. I insulted some woman who's paying thousands of dollars to have her daughter's birthday at Debbie's Disco by saying the last party I went to over there was awful beyond reason. None of the other mothers adressed me. I got checked out by a skeevatz father. I moved soem woman's handbag and was repremanded for stealing it. By the end of the evening, it was just hysterical how bad the whole thing went. Sher and I were the only people in there without a child. I didn't know where to place myself, really. Sher was feeling more single than ever but she's older, I just felt secure in my singleness because all the parents were closer to my parents' age than my own. It was the first time in my life I had been to one of these school functions and not been a student. Someone adressed me as Ma'am and asked if the little boy next to me was my son. I want to stop and tell them, no I'm just a kid!!! I was 13 when this child was born!!!

Can you believe the kid looked at me, smirked, and said, "No this is my girlfriend."

Well, at least someone was on my side.

And can we point out that he is the first male to say that about me in erm... WEEKS?!

So obviously, we needed some relief. And so Sher and I hit up Macy's then went down to West 4th for my birthday trip.

Well, we made a purchase in Birthday Suit; a rather ridiculous one, the craziest one we could find. (it even lights up!!!) And I was feeling pretty crazy about carrying this thing in the streets. So I stopped to dispose of the packaging in a nearby trash can on tenth; trying to be as discreet as possible...

Oh, but soe higher force had a plan because who walks by but the finest guy... in a suit, with gorgeous eyes, AND an accent... basically my future husband... and I'm standing there holding well...

And Sher HAD to start talking to him. For some reason, I felt I had to explain to him what I was doing and why. Obviously this was a bad idea, but he seemed to think it was pretty funny; he was laughing hystericallly as he skipped across the street to meet his wife.

Right.

Anyway, the floor unfortunately did not open up and swallow me at that moment. And Sher WAVED (physically WAVED HER HANDS HELLO) at the wife. As I stood there... holding my purchase with the light up tip. Drooling over her hot husband. Alone with Sher...

Right.

But all in all, it was hysterical. I'm going to miss my city while I'm away...

I've decided I will indeed persue Mr. FitzGerald when I come home. He is so sweet.

Old

I am getting old. And my life is going nowhere, as I sit here, a failure typing in my online jounral while friends I grew up with are out getting new lives and mine is just the same as ever.

Wow.

Pounds to the Euros

God bless those French and their cheap excahnge rate!!! Picked up my pounds and Euros this afternoon... Fabulous amount of Euros and little pounds. I could probably eat for one day with 100$ worth; at the best resturuants, of course, I refuse to eat cheap. I can do that here!

Steak, anyone?

Believe I failed statistics today but the point here is that it's over. I can survive with a forty at a C level. FABULOUS. Passing is all we're going for, here.

Cheers to that!

Saw G. in the street today. It is so odd to see your childhood friends, who still look the same and yet are about to be mothers/wives ect. I'm happy for her. The baby is a girl. I hope she picks the name Gwenevere; I like it better than Isabella. But I guess it depends on the last name; I didn't ask.

And I don;t think I could do that, quite yet. I'm not so sure I want to, really. The giving of yourself it takes to be in a relationship, and more so to be a parent. I feel I have so much to learn about myself that I'd just rather not share this time with anyone else... I can get by on my one-nighters for a little while longer. The beauty of that is you never have to call again. He serves his purpose and then you get the pleasure of watching him crushed when you admitt it will never happen again... and then the sudden triumph by just dragging that chain again by calling unexpectedly some other time. It's like dangling a feather on a stick in front of a kitten... they just keep reaching up...

Suely there is something sick about this sadistic pleasure I get out of this...

(Christina and I agree, we've been single too long)

But you know what, men have been doing it to us for decades. So they can kiss my arse. Literally, even; like Ben Affleck to JLo in her video...

God bless that woman for bringing my most prominent feature into fashion... even if it is the season of the hipless...

Sigh.

Welcome Back

Leaving for London has become a reality, as I've booked my weekend in France with Jess last night and moved some money from one account to the next this afternoon. Also ordered some pounds and some Euros and settled my credit cards.

There comes a moment in every life where you realize all your fears and worries in the end were empty reflections of your own insecurities. That all you really ever needed, you had, and continue to enjoy, whether under taking it for granted or sincerely.

I went for a run this afternoon and ran into Will and Andrew, who still smiled at me. I got a letter from Scott the Marine who asked me to bring him back evidence of having met the prince. Mike F. is supposed to take to me to a birthday dinner Wednesday, and Cory will be by on Monday. My family birthday party was last night; in which Jen's gift was the crown pendant I had been wanting.

And Jags... you know, he is sad we aren't getting along as well as he'd imagined. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm ready to forgive him and move on with my life. Even Jen, even private school, even Jacks, even Pelham Bay itself... I'm ready to forgive.

And knowing that is often all you need.

Sometimes it is in leaving that we indeed do come back.

Back. I'm back.

Shocker

Jags has a girlfriend. A girlfriend who spends the night at the house. In MY side of the bed.

I've said it once and I'll say it again. There are two people in my life that will always let me down and this man will forever be one of them.

He needs to go to China right now. I want him out my life for good. I'm ready for this. I can do this. I'm not going to give up ever again.

It wouldn't be so bad if I had found someone of my own. But I haven't. There's nothign to make you feel more pathetic than to know your ex is out there with some gorgeous girl partying and you're alone in your parents house writing on your internet blog.

Fuck him.

But in a way, he is someone else's problem now. I will never have to look at that wierd face again; will never have to endure anymore of his annoying tendancies.

This shouldn't upset me as much as it does but it DOES.

I need to go to bed; I need to get out of this train of thought.

Cory and the Lawyer

Hmmm. Have found a hot law student to hang around with as well.

I love how all these elligible men are popping up now just as I'm leaving the country. Typical!

Printing out my Gwen Stefani material. Was not as bad as I imagined originally. Now that the hard part is done, its simply spin off, spin off, spin off.

Gotta love recycling!

Had the most wonderful sandwhich for lunch today; needed my Subway fix after withdrawl.

Failing math miserably. Ready to throw in the towel.

Could go for another sandwhich...

Ah, comfort food!

No, I Must Say Something...

What the fuck is up with ugly girls being happy in relationships with cute guys and I'm here alone? Well, admittedly, the guys aren't that cute, but still. I mean this is getting serious. I'm fucking sitting here obsessing over pictures on pictures of ugly girls standing their with good men who of course, are infatuated with them. I bet those bitches give and don't expect to receive. I bet she does his laundry and bakes him cupcakes and even buys him presents for no appparent reason. Full of shit. Fucking stupid girls! Making the rest of us look bad!

Watched a documentary on one of my namesakes, Elizabeth I, last night and have gained new respect for dead "virgin" monarchs! Girlfriend was a sugar mommy! Had a harem of young hotties who she employed and bribed on her council to just agree with her and the occasional sex romp; which of course, straight men being what they are, lead these idiodic straight guys to believe they had a shot at being King. HAH! Good to see her crush them under her foot; which, like mine, was remarkably small. I tip my hat to you, Ma'am!

And when it got serious, and her reign was at stake; she simply sent them away to Ireland, which at the time was warring with England to die by a people who then deemed savages. I love her.

Spoke to this Cortland Fitzgerald, however, for three hours. Not sure if I like him or I'm simply fooling myself into it because I've got nothing better to do. It was my discovery phone call; you know, when you ask all sorts of embarrassing questions just to get a reaction. After considering his answers, and how freely he gave them, he kind of skeeves me out. He's childish. He even sounds it. And the fact that he's short does no good.

I think I've been single too long, admittedly. There comes a point, where you're over the wall and there is no return. Not even hottie redhead does it for me anymore. I'm over him, too, looking at his grosser than ever potential girlfriend. There comes a point where you just lose all worldly respect for them; these straight men.

Please. I'm over it. I got other things to do.

Over It

OK. Over Cortland Fitzgerald.

Know i should be running, just don;t want to do it.

I'm over everything, I should just go back to bed.

Cortland Fitzgerald

THAT is the name of Cory, who I've developed quite a little crush on lately. Hmm. We spent a good half hour on the phone this evening, chatting away about nothing. He's going out to sushi now. I've forgotten what it was like to date guys in my own age range. Very cute. he drives, too, which is rare in New York, AND he;s Catholic, which of course means he and Jen will get along well. Obviously, Chas will see him as one of "his" people, I mean come on; Cortland Fitzgerald. Wow. Doesn't get more Irish than that.

Was at the birthday party for Michael and Julia all day. He actually spoke to me! He's such a cute kid. I'm not sure if he knows I'm his godmother, but at least we're talking. He liked his Thomas the Tank Engine outfits, too. He didn't understand that his twin's birthday is his birthday, too... He kept telling me "Julia's Birthday!!!" Crazy... she is such a diva. I love it.

And Jen was on her best behavior even though I wore an outfit I know she hates to see if it would provoke her. I'm so bad. I wore the gauchos she so scorns and had an exposed thong to see what she;d say. She made a frown when I arrived but kept quiet. She even bragged about me to Margie, Grandma's best friend since like 1930. It was crazy. I didn't think the woman had anything positive to say about me. And I was surprised she bragged about aspects of my life I could never see her finding the good in; I mean we're so different; it's good to see her finally accepting me. It's never going to be perfect, but at least there is a peaceful coexistance.

So many blessings before London! Bridget's mother had a new baby, a girl named Kelly with red hair already! I love it. All three; redheads! So cute.

So now just hanging around needing to do work laundry.

Umm... Have i mentioned I consumed... erm, four thousand calories today?! Dinner with the Italians is crazy... not to mention the birthday cakes... oh, yes... Casey was doing CAKES today. One for each twin!

BAD!

American Idiot

Oh dear; once again I have tried to look intellegent and sophisticated and have dug myself into a hole. Cory thinks I'm all into politics because I ranted about the media in one of our emails, as if I really knew anything on the topic. Hmm. Oh my God. WHAT am i going to say when we meet up for dinner, which of course I agreed to with the proposition "We can discuss changes in our society now that we're under Republican rule..." Oh, yea... Ummm... Wow.

I need to get up on the news though. It is no l9onger acceptable for me to be so apathetic. I need to call Ash and discuss it. She's on the ball at least. I can soak up some knowledge in her rays!

So over everything tonight, I should be out having a marguerita with Jess!

Am having fun at home alone; oddly enough. Singing out "Express Yourself" at the top of my lungs. Where is Sher?! This is our song!

Needing to run! My legs are puffing up!

Fashion Student Moment

Sometimes, I'm standing on 34th and just watching all the people go by, or at FIT, and for a second, I forget everything and see the real truth.

The majority of people I have ever come onto contact with are completely full of it.

And my friends, my fabulous friends, are a significant and precious bunch. I am so glad to have all the people I have in my life; and hope to gain more. This si a time of new beginnings, and I thank all of you who helped me see that with sincerity.

Stalking the redhead who put up new pictures of himself. He's not that serious. Certainly only up to cheap fuck status.

I have decided I need some British tail whilst in London. I'm too picky in America! I'm not intresting enough; I need a story to take back with me in July.

"Catherine, you better fucking get some in London! I'm not talking to you if you don't!"
-Ash

But what about here?

Well, not too sure about that. He cracks jokes I don't get and seems like he'd be an asshole. You know when you can just tell some guy will be an arrogant prick? He just looks like one. I can't explain it. I already despise his friends; they look gross, too. He seems like a loser. Like he'd stand at the bar and tell you cheap lines and yet not know when it's best to lie; IE. the kind of guy that has nerve to say yes when you ask if you've gained weight. (How stupid are they?!) Or like the kind of guy that laughs at his own loser jokes with his friends... the jokes NO ONE else gets. Or the kind of guy that would be a jerk simply to be a jerk.

So tell me why I'm already picking out what to wear to meet him?!

Right.

"You know what they say, Gorgeous Redhead," I say suavely, swirling my martini. "A change will do you good!"

Hmm. And who's the loser here again?

Right.

So I'm whoring myself out in London. Any offers?

Anyway, back to reality. Went shopping with Sher on 34th after a fabulous day with basically everyone at FIT. Was crazy. I went into five different stores, bought five different things, then, in a rare moment of restraint, returned all but one! Fabulous. I'm becoming stronger.

Was so depressed. NEVER go shopping after a day of salt intake. Water retention is an ugly thing. Bought some cute little knee length shorts, but reconsidering as they make my tiny legs look even shorter. I'm so grossly short-legged. The moment of truth came while trying on capris. Hello! Regular pants on my body, thanks.

And it wouldn't be so bad if I weren't so thick on the bottom.

(Brazil, perhaps?)

Am starting to love my arse, though. Huge and rounded as it is. Have become obsessed with the pencil skirt. LOVE IT! Buying them in all colors five sizes too small to emphasize the hump. Love it.

Have I mentioned I'm mentally over school?!

Oh That is Just IT!

NEWS!

Have coaxed sexy-redhead's roomate into easing him to meet me.

Hmm. This si not as exciting as I meant it to be.

Looking at pics of myself online and deciding my face needs lipo. Did not go runnign today and chose to eat a bag of tortilla chips instead.

Wow.

Have I mentioned I'm slowly becoming obese?!

Forward!

Go back from where you came, and stay. You're full of shit and you won't get me now. Don't plan on seeing me, you're making a mistake and I made one by knowing you. Get out my city, get out my country, get out of my life.

I want to be done with you. I want to be done with all that held me back.

It's time to move forward.

At last.

Need a Laugh?

OK. In my internet stalkings, my newest obsession, I would just to say that I have found common thread with that bitch dating the redhead. OK. And here is the update:

1.) She's with the brother; bitch landed a doctor.
2.) We share common origins!
3.) She's dorky and well-read, therefor, most likely not as much fun as me.
4.) Society agrees: I'm in need of being committed.
5.) By the way, I've decided he's not that serious anyway. Who wants what you can have?!



OK. So back in reality:

Met a new guy, a bit short but owns his own buisness. And everyone knows that short men stand on their millions. So here we go again! At least until I leave the continent. His name is Cory, which is too eighties for my taste, but then, I hate all straight men reguardless of name so this predjudice must be ignored. I've decided I put too much emphasis on this exhausting search and need to focus on all the fabulous stories I have to tell about my failed relationships as opposed to feeling like a failure due to them. Failure is no fun; free dinners are!

And I'm getting sick of that smug look on Jen's face whenever she points out that she was engaged at my age. She didn't have half the looks, talent, wit or personality I've got which is why she had to get married; that bitch had no friends!

She needed to throw the wedding; people just showed up for the pasta!

Have I mentioned Mother's Day is soon approaching?

Oh, Mother Dearest, I'm just the improvement of your genes...

Other than that, finally got around to doing my laundry and have realized that I own way too many clothes. I don't even remember some of these outfits!

So tell me why I can't throw them out?!

Oh yes. I have made a scary discover. Does anyone remember Mary Janes with construction boot soles? I owned and noticed today, still own a pair. And a plaid mini dress and black knee highs to match!

Ninetieslicious.

(Now all we need is that bark brown lipstick I loved... Viva la Grunge Years!)