Work and Fabulousness

Loving my job as of late. The girls I work with love my body. I need that boost sometimes, especially since I'm no longer as toned as I was a month ago. They marveled at my wiast today as I tried on this corset. I nearly bought the thing because they all thought it looked so nice!

The weekend was crazy. Wrote my cross cultural studies paper (all 25 pages) all of Sunday. Can now live life without thinking about it. It needs some serious editing, however. But that can be done within seconds.

Went out with Chrissy on Saturday. Adore him lately. He had nerve to tell me, "Catherine, I'm only buying ONE ring." as if to suggest a marraige to me would end in divorce. i told him I'd exchange the ring if I got a bad one. Poor guy was disgusted I even suggested he'd be giving me a ring! (after all my misgivings, my affections that change with the hour) I love how well the man knows me, as odd as this sounds. Being able to laugh at yourself is a precious thing. He teased my shopping, too. Having nerve to say, "When I go, I only look!" I said, "Yes, but I'M not cheap..."

I cannot decide if the man is a prick or if I am enthralled by him. I come to a conclusion sometimes, then of course, it changes. I guess that's what keeps me coming back. Not knowing where i stand.

Loving N and J. Had some mid-day drinks and a good couple of laughs. There is a companionship amongst women that I'm sure is entirely oblivious in the eyes of most men. I love having the freedom to speak as I wish to at school. I know I'm going to look back at these days, tedious as they can be, and remember them most fondly.

Love to you all for being my rainbow.

The Taming from the Shrew

I need a drink. I've always said that people who say this are needy impossible beings but I do. A drink.

Exhausted and frustrated and have no one else to blame but myself. Have you ever pulled and pulled and pulled and have gotten nowhere? This isn't fair to me. I have fantasies of me doing the right thing, walking off without a note goodbye. Leaving without anything to say other than a possible, "too bad." But I never do it. The problem is mine entirely and I'm too used to this issue. Call me dramatic but see me for what I am, the little girl who created an entirely imaginary world to get away from the cold realities.

Don't break this world and leave me standing here, Chrissy. You've taken it all away and if you keep going and leaving me with nothing, really, I have nothing.

Nothing.

I can get over thius like I did the others, I just keep going, I'm good at leaving and going, going, going until it just doesn't matter anymore. When I want something enough I take it. I've beat death, I've beat Shanghai, and I can beat this.

So you tell me when to give up.

Waiting on a Friend...

Playing that song on my ITunes. So fitting for my life currently.

Date with the doctor was a success, but so much that I'm a bit curious; like waiting for something bad to happen. He was three quarters normal, but SUCH a California boy. Shaggy hair, roadtrip history, and vacations in exotic Thailand. A refreshing contrast as compared with that Lousiana redneck the other night. And shut up, he's a DOCTOR!!!!!

Was very natural wth the doctor. No need for forced conversation ect. I like knowing the person likes me. Was very nice.

Here Come the Holidays!

Oh joy. This is, literally, every retail worker's nightmare. Christmas, Hannukah, and whatever else people celebrate. It is one big pain in the ass.

Speaking of which, the men in my life are, as always, keeping me at bay. Went out with the taxman from New Orleans last night at Tao. The man was a dissappointment and half. He was cute, well dressed, liked good wine and shoes, BUT shaves his legs and keeps his mother's ashes on display in his apartment. YES. He was easily the wierdest man I've ever gone out with. (and THAT is a pretty hard line to cross...) He had a terriblely loud Southern accent and did not understand any of the faux pas of the North and yelled out terms like HOMOSEXUALS and WHITES (without saying anything derogatory about either group, but the volume and the accent were just so awful) so that everyone around us stared. The WORST!

(Is it any surprise I found him on line at Crobar?!)

He has, however, texted me consistently throughout the day. Needless to say, I will not be writing back.

Although, admittedly, I did get a kick out of his use of "dang."

And tomorrow brings on another possible disaster. Ben the doctor has come to rise. We're dining near my job.

But lately, I just don't care.

Back to reality. Asked Chrissy where it was going today. He said he didn't think it wasn't going anywhere. Could have been said in different words, but I think of him more fondly these days.

Oh, but how fickle our affections, Casey! Before I realized that the taxman was a disaster in a good suit, poor Chrissy was old news.

Let's hope for the best, eh?

Tomorrow is the start of the Annual Casey Christmas Diet. The starve-all-December-so-that-you're-ravenous-and-eat-everything-at-Christmas post Thanksgiving diet.

Looking hot in my new suit and new coat. Will sport that badgirl tomorrow out with the doctor. Until then, will return to my fantasies of the hot taxman suddenly becoming a different person overnight.

Love to Sarah, who keeps a faithful reader.

Party at the Lizzos

Family party in which I was emersed in a sea of respective girl/boyfriends all alone. The first of many, unfortunately. I'm beyond disgusted with that. It wouldn't be so bad if they didn't take these people everywhere. Damn boring family members.

Ugh... and that Ashley. Ugh seeing Jen with her. Disgust. It's bad enough she bothered me my entire life but to sit and beam at MY education, please. There's nothing more I can't stand about the woman than her habit of taking credit for things she didn't do, or for that matter, pay for. But a happy Jen is a paying Charlie. And I'm taking every cent until May.

I do not enjoy taking directions from anyone on how to live my life. It's mine. I can judge and I got here all on my own will. I don't need any advice on anyone. I'm tired of people knocking Chris when I've supported every last one of their relationships, even if I knew nothing good can come of them. My happiness should be worth more than their predjudices. And since when are these people worthy judges of character?

Am feeling restless and impatient lately. I want to be out of here so badly. It gets unbearable most at these times, everyone and their worthless advice. Asking me to do them favors when they can't help me out. And the major issue is, their never going to see fault on their own side. These people work my nerves. They don't even know any better. Why should I be expected to help out with something that didn't involve me at all? Why should I be asked to support this nonsense that barred me out even farther? Why am I expected to go on smiling like an idiot when it is so obvious that I am owed an apology.

I'm not asking for much. Just tell me you know. Tell me you see it that you were wrong and that it shouldn't have been like this. Give me what is owed to me. I've fought so hard, so hard I can hardly recognize kindness when it comes my way, and poor men like Chrissy here are left to deal with the remains.

I need to leave ti all. To go. I'm ready to leave this city, this home. I'm ready.

The Current Situation

Umm.. Let's discuss all the things I would like to call attention to on this fine Wednesday morning. Mothers who are raising America's sons needs to take a step up. I am disgusted with all of the male species in my generation and perhaps the ones before as well. Gross, blood sucking pigs who crowd the streets trying to draw attention to themselves by shouting out sexual slurs at any female passing by. Expecting girlfriends and female companions to be subserviant, act as their mothers did, carrying on and cleaning up after them.

I'm so over it, it is not even funny.

I therefor ask for, nae, DEMAND a better class of straight men be put into motion. I would like to set this revolution in order! Here here!

Other than that, Alex is in France. Missing his words of wisdom and hoping all is going well. Getting ready for work and dreading the moment I have to go into motion, hoping Marlin is around to help out.

Am over it and carrying on, can you tell?