Watching after you with anticipation. You know I'm standing here, watching the lights of your car move away, further off to the distance. There is something so sad in me, waiting, always waiting for something to happen.
When I was with J, I would stay up and watch the moon outside his window and wish I could feel again. I felt so numb, encased in this protected, muted little world. I used to wish I could get this again, this sad longing for something I couldn't describe.
Maybe it would be best if it just had a blowup, the heat just rising to the surface. Something I could feel in a second, cry my eyes out, complain to anyone I knew and just move forward. You keep me in the wings, its so frigging cruel. I could smile at you for hours. It breaks my heart and aggravates me all at once to watch you waffle around in your own personal misery. I doubt you could understand.
I never did know what to say to you.
I feel it in the air, walking along Crosby Avenue in the morning, the smell of the water I never noticed as a child, the cool summer breeze around my feet. Something big is about to happen.
I hope its you.
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