You First?

When I think of all the monotony in the world, I think of you. You make me smile. You make me laugh even though I don't do it while you're around.
I guess it is silly to sit and hope you'll notice me, it's been nearly a year with little sign if any. In fact, you hurt me more than I'll let on. Fighting like children, it feels good to know at least I get under your skin. Maybe you aren't what I need, but you're everything I want. You excite me, give me hope there is something worthwhile in the city. I'm not afraid of you anymore, but I know that your opinion could stand to break me. I'd fall into a million pieces, even after I've been so good lately. But I'd die to know. Do you enjoy me as much as I enjoy you? I can tell you look for me in the crowds. You tease me! Flirting with my friends right in front of me as if I can't see you; I can, I do, you simply want a reaction and, well, I refuse. Hope it irks you, I do. You get the most delightful blush when insulted.
You hate cologne and it is a shame, there is no smell, just a feel. I want to know the taste, want to run my hands all over your blazers, fooling no one with their age and poor fit. How did you get so skinny, I wonder, when your family is not? I watch your brother look me over and feel such frustration that he isn't you; I want to scream, with everyone there. I want to slap the table and stomp my foot, frowning in such a way that would have befit my four-year old self. It's hard to contain myself around you at all, I'm so used to being so free with my feelings, most of the time anyway. The words seem so crass and unacceptable, I never dare to say them to you. But that could change, who knows? I don't care anymore. I want to experience you everywhere. I want to break you down, I want to shout out when I see you, hoping you notice me and acknowledge this fact as opposed to being so mysterious. Maybe you do?
There's no one that can excite me the way you do. And it pains me to think you KNOW and let me suffer in the tension that's always between us, forever on edge with each other. Everything I say annoys you, and all you do, given appearances, either bores and disinterests me or is highly offensive to me. You made filthy jokes with me last I saw and it was all I could do to not jump you in front of the crowd. I felt so special you showed this side of you to me, I didn't say it, treasuring the moment until I was so ridiculous I felt sick of myself. I guess that's silly.
I'm going to make you see me. This can't go on like this! You are unfair, lovely. But thank you, for seeing me.