Far Far Away...

The wake was today. Alot of times you go to these things and the body never resembles what the person looked like in real life; K.B. looked like a drag queen in his wake; but D.C.... they got her just right. You'd have thought she was just lying there; asleep. Peaceful. They played David Bowie's hits for her; she was so funny with her obsession. I held K.. he is is so so much shock, doesn't even know what day it is! R was so brave... D.C. was so beautiful, you'd have cried. All the pretty children; you'd cry.

The song "Changes" came on, and I could not think of anything else but the shock...

"Time may change me, but I can't change time."
-David Bowie

I begged Render today, darling, don't go. You and I, we will make it out of this, out of this town, out of this city, out of here. Live through this with me. She said she would, and held my hand, telling me, Cathy we made it. We made it, we're going to get out and safely. I told her I felt guilty, I made it; but D.C. never would. Too many never will. We smiled, though, today, and she told me she thought I was stronger than she was. I told her, I got my strength from watching you.

I begged her today, take good care of yourself. Let's make it, Render.

But we agree, we want to get out of here. We can't look at this any longer, again. She told me today she'd "hop the pond" to see me. We had take-out Mexican and talked about the parties we went to this weekend. I picked out her outfit and ate half a box of chocolates at her house; she hasn't been eating anything. We're dealing, all of us, together. Al was there too. I worry more about him; he's so young. He doesn't wear it like Render. He hides like I do...

We're going to make this. We're going to beat this.

I wander around more than usual lately, given into my usual daydreaming. All I want to do as of late is think about going away. London, Paris, Japan! Finding my career, new friends, new tastes, new good things, all good coming in. Distractions from my sad realities... I am one of the lucky ones; though, I have enough fascets, I'm old enough now. I wander about the places I'll go, the poeple I'll meet, even in some respect the things I'll buy, such pretty distractions... I want to find love, success, true happiness. It's all I've ever wanted; the only daughter of a family that wanted sons. My place, my time, my turn.

A place in the sun.

And I'm going to make it...

We'll do this together.

"Somewhere over the rainbow,
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dared to dream,
Really do come true..."

-Judy Garland

Take carre of yourself, D.C. And know we send our love.