Late Night Contemplation

The weather is indescisive, that kind of fog that happens before it rains but also after, the fog that means change but you haven't the slightest idea as to where it goes.

I looked at her smiling face again. It's in a way my own personal shock value; you know it's going to hurt but you just have to keep doing it. I feel the glass of the monitor and again, know I'm still on the outside.

But Casey, who's getting in?

Sometimes I wonder if everyday will be like this. I know I'll always be different, I've come to accept that fact; growing up a daughter no one wanted, being an only in a world that wanted nothing but alsos constantly. And I can hold my head up now that all that has changed and people have begun to see the beauty in my former ugliness...

But it doesn't change the fact. I can't keep doing this. Everyday cannot begin with the affront of constant endings. And I wonder if its me doing it to myself...

I won't hide the pain, the shame...

I still can't believe you left me, too.

Or did you? Do you wait...

And for all those who'd like to know about what became of me and the want of everything that was there...

I'm not over it, yet, Jags. I'm not over it.