Lessons Learned

Things I Learned in London:

1. I am not a friendly roomate.

2. I have a profound respect for crossaints.

3. I really CANNOT cook. Nor am I good at oral sex. Nor ironing. Nor laundry. Nor can I keep a room in order for more then ten minutes. Hmm.

4. The appropriate themesong for my lovelife should be "Express Yourself" as opposed to "Material Girl."

5. I depend on intellectual conversation. Or faking it.

6. I lose patience with stupid girls.

7. I have more to offer than the average NYC trophy wife I so longed to be once.

8. Always ask for directions. Even if you don't need them.

9. You get what you pay for when it comes to hotels.

10. I take things too seriously.

11. I own too many clothes!

12. The best kind of man takes you out for a hamburger and will kiss you after you've quiffed.

13. I'm a very bad listener.

14. I'm a very good talker.

15. My best look is definately black cocktail dresses.

16. "Cheers" is thank you.

17. How to speak cockney.

18. I do not need a cellphone.

19. I am not really the ice queen I try to be. Nor do I really enjoy the taste of caviar.

20. I cannot hide my facial expressions. I'm transparent when I'm angry.

21. I can't control everything. I can't run away when things get bad. But it does help to sing; if you can.