Sickles and Crabbles

Head is full of phelgm and cannot hear properly from left ear. Work is driving me mad. If this stress takes out my hair again, I'll scream. I'm not built for this. MCE is coming through tomorrow; I'm very excited to meet 180 year old Jim. It's all about who you know.

Had a wonderful walk in the rain this evening. Got word from Mike from Regis, gave me the nickname on facebook he had for me when we were 14. Funny how old you get. He is a model now, and properly vain. Aren't they all when you no longer care? Has beens. But he is pretty to look at. He was always tall and his hair is less orangey; a true red now. I hope he's well, we were sad kids. Reading his profile, (which, of course, was the point of the nickname; I fell right in) and again, of course, he's recently broken-hearted over some California girl who's skinny and wears dark glasses from American Apparel; you know the type. I bet she only eats bean sprouts and has beliefs about changing the world so we all wear burlap and live off of brown rice and work at coffee shops for below minimum wage to save our zen. Stupid boy. Why are men so entranced by nonsense? And why do they, after seeing it, decide to call on me?! I've no desire to relive the past. Not his, anyway. You know, everyone laughed at the picture you gave me with that huge teddy bear, remember it? You were sitting on a dome somewhere in your Albany home, head cast to the side; the curtain of red hair you had then falling to the side. My mother put it up on the refrigerator because she thought it was hilarious. But in all honest and my illness aside, it's good to see you're well, you haven't changed.

Wine with Bre last night yielded some revelation and some discovery. It was good to see her be strong in possibly the hardest of all moments. I worry about her. I have renewed faith she'll be ok. I hope it all works out for the best; she has a beautiful new tattoo with wisps that form a heart with "Faith" written in the center. The night was beautiful, we went to the tea room and sat outside amongst the Christmas lights and the fair air that comes in early May. I told her I finally understood. I'd fly to Guyana too, if I had to. I felt it, too. Keep strong, Bre.

This cold medicine is making me giddy. Am starting to worry everyone at my job thinks I'm empty-headed. But the truth of the matter is they're useless. It's good to know I'm finally learning my job, though.

Feeling slightly sad and oddly complacent tonight; the rain is making such a pretty sound on the windowpane. Jess invited me to a pending reunion at FIT. I'm not so sure I want to go. But if it's another excuse to dress up and to drink some wine, why not? I'd love to see Nikki. I do miss her. I ought to give her a call. But I just run out of energy.

Craby and mean tonight. Bah bah bah.