Selling It

So took Joe's advice and will go back to refusing to settle for anything under 500K. Went to a ridiculously overpriced designer hair salon and let Reese and Perry work their magic on me. I suppose it worked, too, A said this afternoon while we were in Lord and Taylor, "Everyone is staring at you!" and fortunately, this wasn't because I was making a scene. (for once)

Am feeling optimistic as of late. I read in Vogue that after someone leaves you become a mess and the strongest woman in the world at once. Joe is to show me off this weekend so I mean to head to the gym and become properly starved by then. Also Tam's party so I'll have an excuse to leave if all doesn't go as planned. Joe is elitist, obnoxious, completely inflated in his sense of his own self-worth but totally and unabashedly honest and I couldn't ask for anything else in a man. It's interesting to have this sort of platonic relationship with one's exes in such a way that you completely understand what is expected of each other. My job is to dress up in something smashing and provide the conversation. To sit and listen to whatever obsolete rubbish these assanine men are coming out with no matter how stupid and conceited it is and manage a smile and let them kiss my hand at the end, saying "How lovely to have met you." His job is to pay for the drinks.

... Isn't a riot?! I had forgotten how much fun this actually could be. And, if nothing else, I at least get to wear my new dresses. (The navy blue one will go with my new hair color by Reese.)

A and me drove through the light snow that fell this evening. It was absolutely beautiful. It felt good to get out the house, lately I've wanted to curl up at the bottom of my bed and remain there but I had fun tonight, just like old times. I adore A, really, I do. Crims is properly up to her ears in work these days so sightings have become scant.

I went to Met after my haircut yesterday and saw a painting I loved so much that I bought the poster. I meant to have it framed but just taped it to the wall. It's all I can do to surround myself with beautiful things when things can seem so ugly. But change is inevitable, you can't expect to stay in one situation forever. Everything is mutable, and all you can control is your own doings. I stayed up past 3 last night watching "Gia." I cried at every scene, really feeling it. What do you do with a [man] who doesn't love you? It travels throughout her career, her sad family life, the lengths she went through to escape it all; feeling completely and utterly deserted and alone and worthless while being surrounded by everyone. I didn't watch it until the end, I never do. But I got it.

I'm feeling free more than anything else, no more oppressive weight on my back. When I think about it, now with a clearer head, I realize how much I really missed being treated right. I miss being wined and dined, going out with men who speak more than one language and have read something other than Sports Illustrated. Men who are good in bed. Men who have slightly more finesse than advertise their bodily functions and discuss their porn habit. And I've also hit the most freeing realization of all: I will never again have to drink a Bud Light.

The world is open and change is coming. God bless it, everywhere.