Fasting Forward

Losing something is hard, especially when you can't embrace what is ahead of you. I refuse to move backward to absolve you of all your wrongs. You never think about what is best for me, you never did. It's always about you, your guilt, your idiotic friends, you being angry, you needing "something different."

Well, recently, a funny thing happened.

I thought about you for the first time in weeks, and saw something new. I saw the guy that didn;t walk me two blocks home on our first date. I saw the guy that made me pay for drinks for all his friends, the same friends we had argued about time and time again. I saw the guy who left me all alone to hang out with those same friends on not one but every single important date to me. I saw the pathetic guy who, in running away to Cancun with these same friends, did God only knows what with some eighteen year old and lied to my face about it for two weeks. I saw the same man who thought it was entirely unreasonable that I should, in any way, lash out at these friends after they caused the argument that broke up. And then, of course, he morphed into the guy who took their side over mine. This guy also carried on to date some other girl who is connected to them, (never deter!!!!!) one week after he told me he loved me, and honestly say to me, "What is it you want me to do? Cheat on my girlfriend?" as if we both don;t know full well that he isn't above it. And finally, I'm seeing the guy that has the audacity to expect forgiveness for the wrongs he is so clearly no sorry for, as, you can see, he's done nothing to change them but apologize, as if that in itself, were enough. Talk is cheap.

So, you see, James, its just like you said. I'm looking for something different.

Bye bye now!