Gucci Mucci Pucci

Painting my own nails as have adjusted lifestyle to accommodate rent.

Feeling hopeful as the week pans out.

Black wide legged pant suit tomorrow with a stacked heel. I got this in the bag. I'm going to walk in there tomorrow with confidence. I'm afraid in the sense that I own not a single item from this vendor, but whatever. What can I do? I will speak I will smile, I will be who I am. Good at my job. Good at trying. Eager to grow and learn and train. MBA educated.

I am what I am. And they asked to meet that.

I had my father nail a full-length mirror into my closet. For years, I avoided looking at my body, my mother's sickness she's lived with forever. I felt fat in everything, but couldn't stop eating or starving.

I look at it lately, boldly. It isn't perfect, but it's all I've got. And the more I see it, the less I care.

The point I'm trying to make is that I'm finding you grow comfortable with things as they are, using what you have as you grow older. Now that I know I don't have unlimited funds, I spend more wisely.  I wear the clothes I have because I can.The stairs are melting my thighs, and the cooking I get better at all the time. I sleep best after yoga. I even asked that man out to a drink, a HUGE step for me, obsessed with avoiding men for fear of the ever-inevitable "he's just not that into you." (He said sure, he'd like to go.)

Maybe we all feel rejection, maybe we all feel fat. Maybe we all get nervous and self-doubtful.

Maybe that's ok.

I'm starting to believe that. I never looked to see what was beyond the doubt. (There is such a thing as possibility.) I think that Catholics are so focused on finality that we forget such a thing as the large picture. I'm beginning to be open to that idea, and the idea that I'm not so different, after all. Both wonderful possibilities.

"You'll see, everything, it falls into place."

We all believe that, me, and A, who I love more than I know. I'm so grateful he is healthy at last. I must clean for him and J, coming over soon. My loves.

I think it's all a continuous road of acceptance. You try. And that is the main thing. Things go better for those who try.

Maybe we don;t all need to want the same things, and everywhere I need to be, I am.

I'm feeling really positive lately. I feel the love I never noticed all around me. It's wonderful, really.