Merry Happy

I hate my new home. It is tiny. It is too expensive. I feel miserable and exhausted thinking of how I am going to live there.

That disgusting man asked me to a cigar. Creep. You know someone just wants you for sex when they wait until just the right moment to ask. And since when do I smoke cigars?! He might as well asked me to a football game. Poor man, I'm just exhausted this week. He might not be so bad, at least a good mentor and friend if I need one, and let's face it, I just might.

I worry over everything. It all scares me. I want to be hugged and to be told everything will be alright. I want to lie down on my grandmother's sofa and cry myself to pleasant. It is sad to have grown up without being hugged, something maybe I still wait for. If I ever have a baby, I will be sure to hug them. It is the oddest thing I used to cringe whenever J tried. I miss him for it now. My next boyfriend must give good hugs and let me cry all over his suit jacket of I need to, just not asking questions and letting me be sad. Be frustrated. Be depleted. Be angry. Feel helpless. Feel as of the world is against me. Yes, he must do that, I don't care if he doesn't know what to say. Just allowing me to do that is all I need.

Why is it I am trying at all? My job seems impossible. It's just exhausting. This lousy week!