MIA

Somedays you sleep at 9 and wake up at 4 and get to seeing the side of things you've covered with piles of your own wardrobe. Sometimes you need a sweet fix, flowing into your veins like the faceless people sitting up and down the city streets, and you know you can identify.

I look around me at all the painted, lying faces, miserable in their own conciet and just want to go back to bed. Their full mouths wording out times I don't rember things I can't say, so full of their own piggedness. Everyone trying to one-up the next, this endless race we keep running to no avail, you all hurt me more than you'll ever know. I'm sick of you all, all of you, you lie, you cheat, you lie to me. Why do you lie to me?

And another day and more lipgloss goes on, the same silicone coating with castor oil as the day before but I can block it out whnever I want to. Anything for the sweet fix of being happy or appearing to be. When you look at me do you see the face I've put on for you or what's going on down here? Here. Where I'm still the four year old no one wanted and will remain that way in my own ice palace.

I hate what you do to me. I hate you. I hate this.

And yet another day goes on, designer clothing and pretty rings on my fingers and a smile that isn't my own. I want to tell you to drop out of the city and out of my life but even I can't do this. You're full of shit and I think it suits you that you should go for what you fall for.

Sometimes I'll find myself looking in the mirror at home and see another face entirely than the other mirros around the city. I just want to fall off my shoes and stop and cry out "END IT! END IT! END IT!" but the world keeps turning and all there is is superficiality and it doesn't matter anymore because now I've become locked up in the palace and can't seem to find the door out. And there are days where it all becomes too heavy to carry around. My shoulders aren't frail, but they aren't without fragility.

(You yourself once said I was fragile... Why did you let me break?)

I bet you don't even know this is for you?

You don't know me. You're just the same as the rest. Forget my number and forget it fast, I don't need another comforting liar. I don't want anything from you and you can't take anymore from what you've managed to get from me. Go back from where you came and stay.














Will be spending this break alone. MIA.